


Story Of My Life

by HeartnArrow



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: 1d has broken up, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Anorexia, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Zayn, Cute Niall, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, F/M, Falling In Love, Famous Harry, Famous Liam, Famous Louis, Famous Niall, Famous Zayn, Fanon, Fetus Direction, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Love, M/M, Music, OTP Feels, POV First Person, POV Louis, POV Male Character, Post-Canon, Real Life, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Slash, Smut, Triggers, X-Factor, long book/story, louis tells the truth, management, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:57:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5810983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartnArrow/pseuds/HeartnArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 Years ago, One Direction broke up with no reason, no explanation, just dropped off the face of the Earth. And now, Louis Tomlinson is ready to come clean, tell all that happened, why the band broke up, the lies he was forced to tell, who he fell in love with, what was real and what wasn't. He reveals amazing moments spent with the band, and every last heartbreaking secret. This is the story of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All written in louis' pov like a autobiography about the band and relationships within the band including larry. Been working on this book for 3 years now, hope you all like it. This story will consists of parts which are divided into years, Part I: 2010, Part II: 2011, Part II:2012, ect. Within each part will be multiple chapter. This will be a fairly long fanfic, at least 30 chapter, all long in length.  
> warning this story contains; graphic content, triggering scenes, self-harm, strong language, and mental illness.

You probably never thought you would hear from me again? Did you? You thought I was gone for good. Thought I was going to hide for the rest of my life, without telling the truth. Here’s the thing though, I have spent half of my life hiding. And you know what? I’m damn tired of it. I’m tired of lying, hiding, and fighting. Truth is, I’ve lied to you all, about a lot of things. I need to come clean. When you lie as much as I have, you start to believe the lies you are telling. And that’s when you lose yourself in them. The lies, they drown you, bury the truth far within you, so far that not even you can see it. I’ve been living a lie for years. It changed me, broke me, defined me. But, I refuse to continue to live in a lie a second longer. 

So, I am going to tell it all. Every single thing. You will finally get to hear my side of things, instead of all the lies made up in the media. I will tell you everything. The good. The bad. And the heartbreaking. By the end of this book, you will know the whole truth. Not just the lies that they forced down my throat. You will finally get the know the answers to the questions that everyone has been throwing at me. You will finally know why One Direction broke up. You get to know everything. All the lies, all the drama, all the love, and all the hate. You guys have no idea how damn close you were to figuring us out. And that’s when we were forced to lie. 

That’s how things got so tangled up. This lie tore everything apart. It tore into my skin and became a part of me. And I let myself start becoming the lie. I guess that’s how I got here. I hurt a lot of people all because of that stupid lie. You could blame it all on the people who told me to lie. Or you could blame me for letting the lie ruin me. I choose the second. I’ve always hated lying, but I’ve always been so good at it. I lied so much, that I perfected the god damn skill of lying. Who does that? What type of messed up human perfects the skill of lying? A horrible one. A horrible dishonest ass. That who I became. I refuse to remain a lying ass. 

People ask me this a lot, they ask me that if I could go back and change things, would I? Without a doubt I would. I would go back in time and refuse to lie. I would stand up for myself. I would make them rethink telling me what to do. I wouldn’t of hurt all of the ones I love. I wouldn’t of lied to the ones I love. I wouldn’t of become that horrible ass that the lie made me. It took me a long time to pick up the pieces of my life. It took me five years. Yes, that is what I have been doing all this time, fixing my mistakes. There was a point when I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I completely lost myself. And became a different, worse person. That’s when I knew things had to change. 

Time. We can never have enough of it. It’s the one thing you can’t buy more of or change. You can’t go back and change the past. I would if I could. I wouldn’t of messed everything up. I would of stood up for us, refuse to hide. I would right every wrong, and trust me, there’s a lot of them. I really wish I could fix my mistakes. But I can’t. I can’t change how stupid I was. I can’t change how I just let them destroy us, piece by piece. I can’t change how I became a different person, a person I swore I’d never become. I can’t change how much I hurt the ones I love. I can’t change how much I lied to everyone, or all the trust I lost. I can’t change the fact that I lost myself. Everything was so perfect and flawless, but somewhere along this journey, I lost myself. I stopped living, I just went along with whatever I was told to do. I went along with the motions, sleep-walking my way through life. I numbed all of my emotions, ignoring every instinct in my body. The pain kept on building up and up as I built my wall higher and higher until one day, they all came crashing down on me, feeling all emotions at once. Sadness, betrayal, hurt, anguish, jealousy, guilt, a lot of guilt.That’s when I realized I had to make a change, that I couldn’t change what had happened. So slowly, I’ve been picking up the pieces one by one, trying to piece things back together. Fix all the friendships, regain all the trust I lost, and rebuild my relationship. 

To the fans, I am sorry for all the lies I had to tell you. I’m sorry that I could never tell you the truth. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save the band. I knew I was going to have to tell the truth sooner or later. Once I tell the truth, I, no we get to finally be free. I could get in trouble for telling everything. But, at this point, I would rather get sued than have to keep trapped in this lie. So, here is the whole entire truth of what went down. The truth of why One Direction broke up. The truth of who I became. The truth to all the lies I had to tell. This is  _ the story of my life _ .


	2. Part I: 2010

_“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”_ ― Meister Eckhart 

It was the year of X factor, bad haircuts, horrible style choices, and teeny bopper music. Who’d knew I’d meet my soulmate that year. 


	3. The Begining

Where to start? I guess I’ll start when I first met the One Direction lads. I was just 18 years old when I auditioned for the X Factor. I was so young and innocent then. I really was the ‘class clown’ of the band. I had the old Justin Bieber style hair and never wore socks. I remember thinking my career was over, when it had really just begun. It was the end of a long day at bootcamp. Earlier in the day, I was told that I didn’t make it. My heart shattered into pieces when I heard that. I thought it was the end of the road for me. I stayed in the room, sulking in the corner. Throughout, the day the room got more and more empty. After the over 25’s were announced, some names were called over the PA. 

“Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, and Louis Tomlinson, come to the stage.” 

It took every strength within me to get out of that chair. Along with me, four lads all around my age followed me to the stage. We all had red eyes from crying and mopey faces. I stood next to a younger boy with crazy curly locks and stunning green eyes. He wore a brown beanie, one a lot like the one I wore. His face was stained from tears. We were the only people on stage. 

“You five, will be advancing as a group!”

That was the best day of my life. It always will be. It changed my life forever. We all jumped up with joy and hugged each other. When we pulled back from the hug, I felt one of the younger boys picking me up. I latched onto him and wrapped my arms around him, though I had never seen him before that day. He put me down once we were backstage and I noticed it was the curly haired boy. He smiled at me and his face blushed with embarrassment. I suddenly realized I had met the boy before, at auditions. The memory replayed in my mind. I think you all know how Harry and I met. The whole ‘Opps’ and ‘Hi’ thing. That night, we really got to know each other. We were staying at a hotel by a lake. We all went down to the lake that night and sat by a fire. 

“So, tell me about yourselves,” a guy a little younger than me said. I have to say, Liam had a horrible haircut at the time. It was sort of long and straight and was pushed to the side.

“Well, I’m Niall. I’m 16 and I’m from Ireland.” Niall had dyed blonde hair and blazing blue eyes. He had the same ‘Justin Bieber haircut’ as me. We all went around and introduced ourselves. You would be surprised how shy Zayn was at first. He was really quiet, which is ironic cause he became one of the loudest. We were all instant friends. But, one guy in particular, I had an instant connection with. Like we just clicked. Harry. Harry Styles. There was so much chemistry between us. We were goofing off and spiraling off each other. 

“Do you know what a great way to get to know each other is?” Liam said with a grin.

“What?” Niall asked. 

“Skinny dipping.” We all stared at each other for a few minutes and, the other boys were still going through the stage where puberty is just now hitting, making them self conscious. Then Harry stood up beside me. He took his shirt off, we all stared at him. 

“Are we really going to do this?” I asked looking to them.

“Yeah, why not?” Harry said as he undid his belt. We all stood up and started undressing. Harry ran towards the water completely nude. I ran after him, trying to catch up to him. We all ran into the water, soaking ourselves in the cold water. When I stepped in that lake, it was like being baptised, all my sins and past melted away, leaving me with nothing else but that moment. I had so much hope for what the future would bring for us. In that moment, I knew that I had four new best friends that would last me a lifetime. It was pure magic. We stayed out in that freezing lake for hours. We were having so much fun, we didn’t even notice our limbs go numb and our fingers go white.

“I can’t feel my feet,” Liam said. 

“Me too,” Harry commented. 

“We should probably get out,” I suggested. We raced back to the shore and wrapped ourselves in towels. We were all shivering like crazy. We could see our breath when we talked. 

“Vas happenin’!” Zayn shouted that whole night. Zayn was obsessed with that phase.

“Is that like your catchphrase?” Niall questioned. We all sat around the campfire, wrapped in towels. 

“Yeah, don’t you have one?” He raised an eyebrow. Niall shook his head. 

“I like carrots,” I shouted. Everyone turned to me laughing. 

“That was random,” Niall said. 

“That’s kinda my catchphrase.” Harry shivered violently.  I moved closer to him and put my arm around him, trying to warm him up. I shared my towel with him. 

“I like carrots?” I shook my head.

“No, just carrots.” Harry leaned his head on my shoulder.

“I think Hazza is getting tired,” I said as I looked to the exhausted boy. 

“I’m just cold,” he stuttered. 

“No, I think it’s someone’s bedtime,” Liam said with a grin.

“I am older than you,” Harry sneered. 

“I don’t think so, when’s your birthday?” Liam smirked at him. 

“February 1st,” he stated. 

“I’m older then!” Liam said with a smirk of success. Harry made a fake pouty face. It was all fun and jokes then. We left the beach and changed back at the hotel. 

We all laid around the hotel room just talking. Harry was still freezing despite the fact he was wearing flannel PJs and had a bunch of blankets on him. I made him some tea and handed it to him. 

“Thanks,” he whispered. I laid down next to him.

“What do you want to watch?” Niall asked as he flipped through the channels. As Zayn and Liam fought over what to watch, I turned to Harry. 

“Have you ever cut your hair?” I asked him as I ran my fingers through his curly locks. 

“No,” he answered as his green eyes stared into my blue. 

“You shouldn’t ever cut them,” I remarked. 

“Are you feeling alright, Harry?” Liam asked him. 

“Yeah, I feel fine.” Liam gave him a sympathetic look. I put my hand to Harry’s forehead. His forehead was burning hot. 

“Damn, Har, you’re burning up,” I said with a worried look. Niall and Zayn stopped watching the TV to look over at Harry. 

“You should get some sleep, Har,” Liam said with a concerned look. The second we became friends, Liam became the ‘dad’ of the group. He’ll horse around with us but he is also the one to yell at us and make sure we’re all okay. Harry nodded and sank into the bed. He fell asleep within seconds. One by one, we all fell asleep. 

We had a four week break before the judge’s house and we decided that we would all stay at Harry’s family cabin in Cheshire. It was a two hour flight from London to Cheshire. Harry, Liam, and I sat in one row, while Niall and Zayn sat in front of us. Zayn slept most of the way. 

“Do you have a marker?” Niall asked in a hushed tone. 

Liam gave him a sharpie and Niall smiled. Harry’s head rested on my shoulder. I watched as Niall drew on Zayn’s face, drawing a mustache, and writing ‘I love dicks’ on his forehead. He then added, ‘I love Niall,’ on each of his checks. He then smiled at his masterpiece and gave Liam back the marker. Liam accidently bumped Harry as he tried to put away the marker. Harry kept his eyes closed but groaned.

“Go back to sleep, Haz,” I told him. In seconds, he was fast asleep again. 

“Have you ever been to Cheshire?” I asked them. They all shook their heads. 

“I’ve never been either, I didn’t really travel much before this,” I explained. 

“I had never been on a plane before this,” Niall said. 

“How do you like them?” Liam asked him. 

“They were a little scary at first but I like them now,” he told us. Zayn weakly opened his eyes. He sat up and looked to each of us. We held in our laughs. 

“You have major bedhead,” Niall told him.

“Here,” I said as I handed him my mini mirror. 

“Do you always have a mirror on you?” he asked me.

“Yup,” I said with a grin. He took the mirror and frowned when he looked in it. 

“I’m going to kill you, Niall,” he grunted. 

“You know you love me,” Niall said with a cheeky smile. Zayn rolled his eyes and stood up. 

“I’m going to wash this off,” he told us. 

“Good luck with that, it’s sharpie,” Niall smirked. We finally arrived in Cheshire late that night. We got our luggage and waited outside for Harry’s mum. 

“How are you still sleepy?” I asked Harry. He leaned his head on Liam’s shoulder.

“I couldn’t get much sleep with all of your talking,” Harry commented. 

“Yeah right,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“Harold?” Harry straightened up as he saw a women walking over to us. His face glowed when he saw it was his mum. He suddenly had enough energy to run into her arms. We all stood up, watching them awkwardly.

“I missed you so much, Hazza,” she told him as she rubbed his back. They pulled away and Harry brought her over to us.

“This is the band and my new best friends,” he said with a smile. 

“Nice to meet you all, I’m Anne,” she introduced herself. We all introduced ourselves and then we went to the car. 

“So, do you have any embarrassing baby Harry stories?” I asked her as we drove to the cabin. 

“Oh god,” Harry muttered.

“Uh, I have so many. I guess I’ll tell my favorite one,” she said. 

“When Harry was just a baby, I had put him down for a nap and an hour later I went to check on him. I went in the room and Harry had smeared poop all over the walls. It was everywhere.” 

We all laughed as Harry’s face turned bright red with embarrassment. That was how the rest of the ride was spent, Anne telling us stories about Harry. We pulled up to the small cabin and got out of the car. We carried our stuff inside and said goodbye to Harry’s mum. After she left, we all went to bed. Harry and I had to share a bed while Niall and Zayn got bunk beds and Liam got the pull out bed. 

I was woken up by a sudden weight on me. I opened my eyes to see Niall jumping on Harry and I. Harry rolled towards me, hiding his head under his pillow.

“Get up!!” Zayn yelled at us. I groaned and got in the same position as Harry. I looked to Him and he looked back at me. Niall suddenly jumped on us, forcing us up. “I am going to kill you, Niall Horan!” I shouted as Niall ran out of the room. I chased him outside, in the cold, he ran to the pool and looked at me charging at him. He then jumped in the pool in his boxers. I followed him in without hesitation. The other lads were outside now, they watched as I drowned Niall. We splashed each other until I finally won. We then got out of the pool. Harry wrapped a towel around my body. 

“You awake now?” Zayn asked me.

“Shut up!” I muttered. Harry rubbed my arms as I shivered. Even though the boy was younger than me, he was a little bit taller than me. I looked down at him as he warmed my body. He caught me looking at him and he stopped.

“You warmer now?” he asked as he bit down on his lower lip. I nodded my head, my eyes not leaving his. 

We headed inside and watched some football. Harry made us all breakfast. He set a plate of pancakes on the table. Niall stuffed his mouth with a whole pancake.

“These are really good,” he said with his mouth full, spitting food everywhere. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Liam scolded.

Niall rolled his eyes. My eyes flickered to Harry’s arm, which was grabbing a napkin. He had a bunch of bracelets on one of his wrists. I wondered if he was hiding something under those. I didn’t ask though, I had only just met him and I didn’t want to sound pushy. I placed the thought in the back of my mind and forgot about it. 

“Can we go in the woods?” Niall asked as he eyed the woods behind the cabin. Harry rolled his eyes and agreed. We finished eating and put our jackets and shoes on. 

“Do you ever wear socks?” Zayn asked me as he eyed my TOMS. 

“Nope.” We walked outside, the sky was grey but no rain in sight. 

“So, is this like your family’s vacation house or did you grow up here?” Liam asked as we made our way through the millions of trees. 

“Its the house my mum grew up in, we came here a lot when I was little,” he explained.

“Have you ever been back here?” Niall asked. 

“Yeah, loads of times.” 

We passed a river, the scenery was absolutely beautiful. Trees surrounded us along with plants and bushes. We talked about our childhoods and told stories of the past. We saw a few frogs and bugs. As we reached a creek, rain started pouring down.

“Shit,” I muttered. I had always hated storms. Ever since I was little they had always scared the shit out of me. “We should head back,” I said. 

“It’s just rain,” Niall said as thunder pounded against the atmosphere. 

We all looked to one another and made an unspoken agreement. Harry led the way as we all followed behind him. We ran as fast as we could as rain drenched our clothes and mud got all over our shoes. It continued to thunder and we even saw lightening as we sprinted back. We ran inside all shaking from our cold, wet clothes. We threw our shoes off and went to our rooms. I grabbed sweat pants and a hoodie. I stripped off the wet clothes that stuck to my skin. I was still shaking as I changed. When there were thunderstorms at home, my sisters and mum would watch a movie to distract me from the terror going on outside. They would let me snuggle against them as my teeth chattered with fear. I sat on the bed when I had fully changed. My whole body was trembling. Harry opened the bathroom door and walked over to me. He too, wore sweatpants. 

“What's wrong, Lou?” he asked me as he sat next to me. His green orbs were filled with concern. 

“I’m afraid of thunderstorms.” I hated that I was such a child when it came to thunderstorms. 

He had his hands on my cheeks. He looked down and noticed my convulse hands. He took his hands from my face and put them on top of my hands, steadying them. 

“What do you normally do when there’s a storm at home?” he asked. I told him about what my mum would do, and he gave me a content look.

“Well, let’s pop a movie in and we can watch it together,” he said. I nodded. I laid down on our bed, wrapping myself in many blankets. 

“What movie do you want to watch, Lou?” he asked.

“The Titanic,” I said. He smiled and looked for the movie. 

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” he asked. 

“D-don’t leave me,” I cried out. I loathe how vulnerable storms make me. I am rarely a vulnerable person but when it comes to storms, I’m like a girl on her period. 

“I’ll have Liam make you some, then,” he said. He then called out for Liam. Liam walked over to us. 

“Can you make Louis some tea?” he asked him. 

“Yeah,” he said as he left the room. 

Harry put the movie in and walked over to me. He got in bed beside me. I moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and resting my head on his chest. He smiled at me as he kissed my forehead. He then sighed.

“Oh Lou, I need a new nickname for you, Lou is too typical. What does your mum call you?” 

he asked. I bit down on my lip not wanting to reveal the embarrassing nickname. He could read me like an open book. He raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, tell me,” he said.

“My mum calls me Boobear,” I admitted as my face reddened. He chuckled.

“That’s perfect, I’m going to call you Boo,” he said with a smirk. 

Liam entered the room with cuppa tea. He handed it to me as he studied both of us. 

“You okay, Lou?” he asked me. I nodded my head as I took the mug.

“You can join us if you want,” Harry said as I took a sip of the tea. He shook his head as he smiled at us. 

“No, I’m going to take a shower. Goodnight.” 

I put the tea on the nightstand and rested my head back on Harry. He fiddled with my hair as the movie started. We had both watched this movie numerous of times before. We knew every line but didn’t want to admit it. We watched that movie from start to finish with me snuggled up against Harry. 

“Wanna know a secret?” Harry asked halfway through the movie. 

“Yeah,” I said.

“I like you the best,” he admitted. 

“Me too,” I said. 

He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. When the movie finished, Harry turned towards me with tired eyes. The storm had subsided to a slight dribble. 

“Okay Boo, do you want to be the small spoon or the big spoon?” he asked. My cheeks blushed while I stared at him wide eyed. 

“I prefer to be the little spoon but I’ll be the big spoon for tonight, for you.”

“Face the other way,” he instructed me. 

I groaned as I turned over. He then wrapped his arms around my waist and nestled up to me. I slept like a baby that night. After that, Harry and I always slept like that. It got to the point where we couldn’t sleep without being by each other’s side. Anytime, there was a storm, Harry would pop in the Titanic and we would snuggle. Considering how much it rained there, we should've gotten sick of that movie but we never did. In those four weeks, we really got to know each other. In those four weeks we went from friends to best friends. We learned more about each other and grew inseparable. We became a family. Those weeks went by rather fast. I grew really close to everyone in the band but I was the closest to Harry. We just got each other and really understood each other. I felt like I could tell him anything and everything, and he felt the same with me. We could simply talk about nothing for hours. I think the right word for our relationship was soulmates. I didn’t know it at the time but Harry was my soulmate. 


	4. Secrets

One night the next week, we decided to go to a local karaoke bar. When we entered the small bar there were  several groups of people seated at tables, and in the back was a small stage with a karaoke machine. We went to a table by the stage,  each ordering a beer except for Liam, I was the only one legal then but no one really goes by the law. Harry told us stories about how his family always came here on fridays. How he and his sister would do duets and sometimes even his mum or grandma would join. We didn’t get too drunk, Liam didn’t drink at all, so he was our driver. 

“Zayn? Can you do a duet with me?” Niall asked him. He pleaded with his puppy dog eyes. Zayn groaned and nodded. 

“What song?” he asked Niall.

“Baby by Justin Bieber,” he told him innocently. 

“Uh no, I am not singing that,” Zayn claimed.

“Too late,” Niall said as he dragged him over to the machine. 

They went on stage. Zayn tried to hide in the corner as the song started. Niall didn’t even need to look at the machine, he knew every single word. Zayn sang quietly and robotically, but when it came to the chorus, he couldn’t help but to smile as he let his guard down. 

“Can we do a song?” Harry asked me. 

“Yeah, but I’m picking the song,” I said. He rolled his eyes and nodded. When they finished, we went up to the stage and I went over to the machine. 

“What song are we singing?” he asked.

“You’ll see,” I said as I picked my song. I stood next to Harry and watched as his face turned red when the back music to ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion started playing. 

“I’m going to kill you,” he whispered. I grinned and started to sing. We both sounded horrible trying to hit those high notes. We had fun with it though, as we belted out the lyrics and danced around the stage. At one point, we reenacted the scene where Jack died. Harry pretended to be Jack and I fake cried. When we arrived home, we were exhausted. I fell asleep almost immediately in Harry’s arms. 

We ended up making it a tradition to go there every friday. The next friday, we came and this time, there was a dance floor set up where the tables had been. We sat at the bar most of the night drinking our beers and sparkling cider. Suddenly, My Heart Will Go On came on. I looked over to Harry and his face turned red. 

“May I have this dance?” I asked him. He chuckled as he took my hand and headed to the dance floor. We danced around the room and although we didn’t have much experience with dancing besides school dances, we danced flawlessly. Harry spun me around a few times, even leaning me back once. Sure we stepped on each others feet a few times but the moment was perfect. My eyes never left his the entire time. He twirled me into his arms and an emotion just came over me. I’m not sure exactly what it was to this day. I felt more happier than I had ever been in my entire life. I knew that I had a best friend that I would never lose. The one that would always be there for me at the end of the day. When the song ended, I pulled him into my arms, hugging him. 

“I love you, Hazza,” I told him. At the time, I meant it as a friend and he knew that. We didn’t even consider taking it a step further.

“I love you too, Boobear,” he said with a smile. 

We all sat around a campfire the next night, roasting marshmallows and telling embarrassing childhood stories. 

“I used to have a crush on Spongebob when I was five,” Niall told us as we all broke out in laughter. 

“Hey, I crushed on Judge Judy when I was little,” Liam admitted. We were all laughing so hard our stomachs were hurting. 

“But she’s like ancient!” Harry exclaimed.

I nudged Harry in the side, “she’s not that old.” Niall was on his tenth S’more when it started pouring down rain. I jumped in the air with fright and surprise. The lads chuckled at me while Harry looked at me with concern. 

“You guys, work on cleaning up. Lou and I will go inside and make some tea,” Harry told them. They nodded and Harry led me inside.

“Thanks,” I said once we were inside.

“It’s fine,” he uttered as he got out five mugs. I went over to the cabinet and got the stuff to make the tea. I looked out the window to see lightning light up the sky. 

“It’s really coming down out there,” Harry said as he took the supplies from me. I nodded and took a seat at the island. Harry started to boil the water. He leaned on the counter and watched me carefully. 

“You seem to be getting less scared of storms,” he commented.

“Maybe,” I said as we made eye contact. 

“I’ll put the movie in once this is done,” he said. I nodded. We remained quiet for a while. 

“Thanks,” I said.

“For what?” he asked.

“For always being there for me during thunderstorms,” I said. 

“That’s what friends are for,” he told me as he put the tea bags into the mugs. The rest of the lads came inside soaking wet. Their clothes were drenched from the rain. 

“It’s really bad out there,” Niall said as he took a seat next to me, getting water everywhere. 

“Niall! You’re getting water all over the place!” I yelled at him. 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll go change.” They left the room to go change. 

“How did you become such a good cook?” I suddenly asked Harry. 

“My grandma taught me actually, whenever we had sleepovers, she would have me help her bake.” He finished up the tea by adding a little bit of milk to each mug. He then handed me my mug. We went over to our bedroom and he put on the  _ Titanic _ . He came over to me and laid beside me. I rested my head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around my waist. 

Not too far into the movie, the lads came into our room. They each had their mugs of tea in their hands. 

“What are you guys watching?” Zayn asked as he sat on the chair beside the bed. Liam sat next to Zayn and Niall jumped on the bed, laying next to us. 

“Titanic,” I answered. They suddenly noticed the closeness of Harry and I. Liam smiled gently at us. 

“Mind if we watch it with you?” Liam asked.

“Sure,” Harry said. They stayed and watched the rest of the movie with us. I told them about my fear of storms. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Zayn asked. 

“It’s not exactly something you tell people,” I stated.

“Well, we’re your friends and we’re here for you. You can tell us anything,” Liam said. I nodded. I could feel Harry tense underneath me. I looked up at him seeing him shifting his position. 

“You okay, Haz?” I asked him quietly. 

“Yeah, I just have to go to the bathroom,” he said as he got up. I felt this sickening feeling inside my stomach when he left me. I didn’t do anything about it though. I just sat up and watched as he disappeared into the bathroom. 

“What is this movie about?” Niall suddenly asked. 

“You’ve never watched this movie before?” Zayn asked surprised. 

“Nope,” he said as he shook his head. 

Thunder shook the room and the reality of the storm surged through me. I was suddenly shaking and trembling. The lads were too busy explaining the movie to Niall to notice. My face got all sweaty along with my palms and my stomach flipped every which way. The bathroom door opened and Harry’s eyes immediately went to mine. He ran over to me, jumping on the bed. The lads had stopped their conversation and watched us. He pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. 

“Lou, it’s okay. It’s okay, take a deep breath, I’m here now,” he said calmly. I looked into his green eyes and immediately felt my body calm down. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him even closer to me as I let out silent sobs into his shirt. 

“It’s okay, Lou,” he kept on repeating over and over again. My heartbeat slowed down to match his and we pulled back from hug but were still just as close. He used his thumb to wipe away my tears, and kissed my forehead. He then laid down and I rested my head on his chest again.

“Sorry we didn’t notice you, Lou,” Niall said with sad eyes as he patted my knee. 

“It’s fine,” I choked out. We finished watching the movie in silence. Each time I heard thunder, I snuggled closer to Harry. When the movie was over there was an eerie silence. Liam was the first to speak. 

“I was uh, I was born premature,” he suddenly said. I could tell he was having difficulty telling us this. “I was born with only one kidney, it doesn’t really effect me that much.” I looked at him with shock. 

“I can’t swim, I’m scared of open water,” Zayn suddenly said. We then all looked to Harry and Niall.

“I’m a belieber,” Niall admitted. We all chuckled at that.

“I kinda suspected that,” Zayn said. We then looked at Harry. He stiffened beneath me. I glanced up at him as he bit his lip.

“I suck at football,” he said as he chuckled. The rest of them chuckled, buying his bluff. I looked into his deep green eyes and wondered what secrets he was hiding beneath them. When the rest of the lads left the room, I turned to face Harry.

“What’s your real secret?” I suddenly asked him. He looked at me surprised. He figured he could get away with it. He figured we wouldn’t notice or find out. He fidgeted with the many bracelets on his arm.

“T-that was my secret,” he stuttered. 

“Haz, you may be able to fool them but you can’t fool me.” He bit down hard on his bottom lip as he avoided eye contact. My eyes searched his evergreen ones. They held an unknown pain. I wanted so desperately to know that pain. I placed my hand on his chin and forced his eyes to meet mine. 

“You can tell me anything, Haz,” I told him. His eyes shifted to his bracelets, I followed his gaze. A sudden realization came over me. “Y-you c-cut?” I choked out. He slowly nodded his head. “W-why?” Tears met my eyes knowing how much pain he kept buried within him. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. I pulled him into my embrace. “Haz, I love you. Please don’t do this to yourself.” We pulled back from the hug. He had tears streaming down his face. I wiped them away and took his wrist in my palm. I moved the bracelets up his arm to reveal the many scars. They were deep and red. “Promise me you won’t ever cut again,” I told him. He nodded. I ran my finger over the scars and let my eyes meet his. 

“W-will you ever leave me?” he suddenly asked. His eyes were desperate. They were glassy from the crying and stared deeply into mine.

“Harry, I would never leave you,” I told him. His eyes searched mine, I wasn’t exactly sure what they were searching for, maybe truth, maybe love. 

“Promise?” he asked weakly.

“Promise,” I told him as I held out my pinky. He giggled and we pinky swore. “Come here, babycakes,” I said with a grin. He laid in my arms, his hands wrapping around my waist. He chuckled at the new nickname. I ran my fingers through his messy curls. They were unbrushed and tangled but I could care less. We fell asleep like that, with him in my arms, less than an inch apart. 

That night really brought us closer. Our friendship had strengthened from finding out each others secrets. It also brought the band closer together. We now knew something about each other that couldn’t be shared. We rarely fought and when we did it was over stupid stuff. There was only one more week until X Factor. We had started practicing singing together. Each day, we would find a song that we all liked and sing it in the backyard with Niall on guitar. We learned each other’s vocal weaknesses and strengths. We still couldn’t decide on what song we would perform for Simon. Most of our arguments were about that. We all had different tastes in music. Niall wanted us to sing Bieber while Zayn wanted Michael Jackson. Finally, one day Harry came up with the perfect song. We were sitting around the campfire, Niall had his guitar and we were brainstorming song ideas. 

“We should do Billie Jean!” Zayn exclaimed. 

“That song is so old, we should do a newer song,” Liam said. 

“What about-” Niall started but Zayn interrupted.

“If you dare say Bieber, I swear to god Niall,” Zayn muttered.

“Fine, I won’t say it.” Harry sat quiet. He bit down hard on his lip, something he did when he wanted to say something. I elbowed him and his green eyes met mine. 

“You have an idea don’t you?” I asked. He shyly nodded his head. “Say it,” I told him. He gave in and tried to get their attention. 

“Guys!” he called out. They looked towards him. “I have an idea,” he stated. 

“Okay, what is it?” Liam asked.

“Torn,” he said. 

“I love that song,” Zayn said. They all nodded their heads.

“It’s perfect, it’s new but at the same time its not too upbeat,” Liam said. 

I caught Harry’s gaze and gave him a wink. We immediately started practicing the song. We were good at making group decisions on who would have which solos. We worked so hard to make sure our first performance as a group would be perfect. Working on the song took a lot of time and that last week went by fast. I think we could all agree that we were both excited and nervous about the X Factor. We were taking another step closer to our dream. I could barely even comprehend that my dream that I had been wishing for so long was coming true. We had one other issue, the band name. 

“We need to name the band,” Liam told us as we all sat in the game room playing video games. 

“We should be called The Dancing Carrots,” I suggested. 

“That’s horrible, we should be called ‘Vas Happenin’,” Zayn said.

“What about The Central Dogma?” Harry said.

“Isn’t that like some science thing?” Niall asked. 

“I don’t know,” Harry said. 

“What about One Direction?” Liam said. We all turned to him and smiled. 

“It’s perfect.”

Two days before we would leave, we started packing. It felt weird, packing up your whole life in one suitcase. Harry and I packed in silence. I could tell that Harry was scared. We all were. But he was terrified. He kept on refolding his clothes several times. The sides wouldn’t be even and he would start over. While, I simply just threw all my clothes in my suitcase. When I finished, I sat on the bed next to Harry’s suitcase. 

“Are you okay?” I asked him. He didn’t look up at me, just kept folding his clothes. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered as he went to his closet getting more clothes. He returned to his bed and I placed my hand on his wrist. 

“Haz, tell me what's wrong,” I pleaded. He bit down on his chapped lip, it was a nervous habit of his.

“W-what i-if w-we don’t m-make it?” he choked out, his lip quivering at the end. 

“We will make it...but if we don’t then we will stay in contact, we’ll probably even stay together as a band,” I told him. His green eyes stared into mine. He nodded his head and I pulled him into my embrace. “We’ll make it, Haz,” I told him as I ran my arms up and down his back soothingly. After a minute or so we pulled back and he smiled at me. His adorable dimples appeared along with a sparkle in his green eyes. I returned the smile with ease. The last night at the cabin, we had a party, well it was just us so I don’t know if you could consider it a party but anyway, we let loose, cranked up the music, and had a few beers. We played a few games, beer pong, truth or dare, and we even played chicken in the freezing pool at one in the morning. It was nice. We could just have fun and forget all about our nerves that would appear the next day. We did stupid things and told each other embarrassing stories but it was all mostly fun and innocent. 


	5. Becoming Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story moves really fast due to everything I have to fit into it.

X Factor was what started it all for us. We couldn’t of achieved our dreams if it wasn’t for X Factor. But at the same time, it was the deal we got that prevented us from reaching our other dream. We won’t get into that now though. We arrived in London later the next day. We were so tired and jetlagged.The only thing that kept us awake was that we would be meeting our mentor. We were all so nervous for who it could be. 

“Who do you think will be our mentor?” Zayn asked. We were on our way to the mansion.

“I hope its not Simon, he scares me,” Niall said. 

“I hope it’s Nicole,” Harry said with a grin.

The limo pulled up to a huge mansion. It was white and about five times the size of my house. It was by an ocean and gave the perfect view of it. We all got out of the limo and stared speechlessly at the mansion. The front door opened and Simon walked out of the house. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was him. I have to admit, I was a little scared because I knew how harsh he could be but I knew he would help us achieve our dream. We all screamed and ran over to him. I’ve always wondered if our lives would have been any different had we got a different mentor. Would we have signed a different contract? Would we have had to hide? Would we have even had a contract to sign in the first place? I can’t dwell on the ‘what ifs’ though; there’s so many I could go on for eternity.

We didn’t have to perform until Wednesday, so we had a few days to relax. After Simon left, we went to our rooms. The lads and I shared one huge room. The room had two bunkbeds and a single. We let Liam have the single after he won rock,paper, scissors. We were all so tired, that we fell asleep immediately, well except for Harry and I. We were so use to sleeping together we had forgotten how lonely and cold it felt to sleep alone. After an hour of no luck, Harry gave up and snuck into bed with me. He crept up the ladder and joined me on the top bunk. I could just barely make out his shape in the darkness. I sat up and pulled up the covers, inviting him. He smiled and hopped beside me. My arms slung around him, spooning him. We fell asleep within seconds in each other’s arms. 

The next day, we went down to the ocean. The water was absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t calm but it wasn’t too wavy either. It was just right. Liam and Zayn tanned while the rest of us ran into the ocean. Niall had never been in the ocean. He was so happy and excited. We swam all about the water, racing each other and splashing at each other. At one point, I swam ahead of Niall and Harry. I was far out in the water. I think we were racing or something. Either way, I was ahead of them. I looked back and laughed at how far back they were. The water was fairly high, I could just barely touch my feet. I went underwater to get even more distance between us. I pluged underwater and suddenly felt something sting my foot. It was probably the scariest moment of my life. The sting was so powerful and it hurt so much, I swore I was going to die. I screamed out in pain, thrashing about the water. It hurt to swim, I could feel my foot swelling up. I tried waving my hands and yelling for help. I noticed Harry glancing over at me. The look on his face hurt just as much, if not more, than the stinging of my foot. He swam as fast as he could to me, I saw Niall swim back to shore, probably to get a medic. When Harry finally reached me, he grabbed my arm, pulling me to shore. He didn’t speak until we got out of the water. I felt his heart racing along with mine. We reached shore, where he laid me out on the sand. I didn’t have the strength to stand or move nevertheless. The rest of the lads came rushing over to us. 

“What happened?” Liam asked me. Harry sat beside me, catching his breath. He watched me with worried eyes.

“I-I think I got stung by a jellyfish,” I told them.

I didn’t dare look at my foot, judging by Niall’s face, it was pretty bad. The medic arrived, making everyone step back, but Harry refused to leave my side. His green eyes searched mine, panicking. He looked so scared, more scared than me. It warmed my heart to see how much he cared about me but at the same time, I knew it hurt him to see me this way. And I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. The ambulance arrived and took me away from them. The lads couldn’t follow me to hospital since they had to work on the song. Once I arrived at the hospital, they gave me a shot which helped with the swelling. They then wrapped my foot up, and gave me some medication for the pain. They told me that I should stay off my foot for two days. I was discharged within two hours. The X Factor sent a cab to get me. When I stepped out of the cab, they were all standing outside the house waiting for me. Harry ran towards me as I limped to him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. The rest of the lads crowded around us, joining in on the hug. We pulled away from the hug and worked on finishing up our song.

On Wednesday, the nerves were going crazy inside of my stomach. We all were nervous. We tried to keep our minds off it until it was time. When it was time, we stepped out onto that patio. Jitters filled every inch of our bodies as we walked out. We all started to sing our parts.  Liam sang his solo, and once I joined in, I lost myself within the lyrics, all the nerves disappeared. 

“ I'm all out of faith This is how I feel I'm cold and I am shamed Lying broken on the floor Illusion never changed Into something real I'm wide awake and I can see The perfect sky is torn You're a little late I'm already torn.”

The performance went flawlessly. It couldn’t of gone any better. That is probably my favorite song we’ve ever performed, because in that moment we became a band, and more importantly, we became a family. Waiting for the results was beyond nerve wracking. Those long hours were torturous. Harry spent them pacing back and forth, while the rest of us tried our best to distract ourselves. My heart leaped out of my chest as Simon entered that room. That moment was all in slow motion, I couldn’t even register what was happening, I didn’t even hear Simon speak. All I saw was the smiles that sprang from all the boys’ faces, and I knew we’d made it. We all hugged each other and thanked Simon. 

After we got the news that we made it to the live shows, we had a huge celebration. We threw a party with the rest of the contestants and blasted the music. We cracked open the beer cellar and each had a few beers. 

“Spin the bottle!” Esther suggested. We all sat around a bottle. We were far past wasted by then. 

“I’ll go first,” Rebecca said as she spun the bottle. 

The bottle pointed to Zayn. Zayn wore a shy grin. They kissed each other with so much passion, you would think that we’re dating. Zayn pulled away with a huge smile covering his face. We played the game for a while, when one of the guys got each other, we would give each other love bites. 

“Your turn, Lou,” Liam said to me. I spun the bottle, it pointed to Harry.

“Can we see a real kiss, this time?” Rebecca said in a mildly drunken voice. Harry seemed hesitant. 

I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Fine.” Harry and I closed the distance between us. 

I looked deeply into his green eyes and put my hand on his chin as our lips collided. A strange feeling came over me as our lips locked. It was pure and amazing, it was bliss, lust. I was very surprised by the feeling, I never thought I could feel that way for another guy. I never had anything against gays, I just never thought I was one of them. 

The kiss lasted a minute before we both pulled away. I wore a grin while Harry gave an unreadable look. 

“Damn, that was hot!” Esther commented. 

We didn’t get to bed until late that night, or should I say early that morning. I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss for the rest of that night. When we did go to bed, Harry acted distant. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t make a move to spoon with me. I was rather confused. I fell asleep, and that night, I dreamt of Harry. No it wasn’t a dirty dream. It was a rather cheesy one, _Harry and I were in a field of daisies. He laid on my chest as we looked up at the clouds, guessing what they could be. From time to time, I would give him a quick kiss. The kiss in the dream felt so real, it was like I could feel his lips press against mine, radiating sparks. The dream ended in a nightmare, when I pulled back from the kiss, the sky was suddenly dark, covered with rain clouds. We were suddenly surrounded by guys in masks that hid their identities, it was kinda like the peace keepers in_ _The Hunger Games_ _. Rain started pouring down along with flashes of lightning. The strangers were armed. Our eyes were filled with fear. They ordered us to step away from each other. We disobeyed, moving closer together. One of the guys, held a gun to my head as another snatched Harry from my arms._

_ “Harry!” I cried out.  _

_ Two of them held me back as they dragged him away. I cried out for him numerous times. When he was out of my vision of sight, I fell onto the ground, sobbing.  _

_ “You can’t be together,” one of the men said. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it in time _ cause next thing I knew, I was shaken awake. 

“Louis!” a voice yelled at me. I opened my eyes, waking up from the nightmare to see Liam looking down at me. The rest of the lads were crowded around me but one was missing, Harry. They looked at me with worry. I realized that I had sweated through my PJs. 

“Wh-where’s Harry?” I asked them.

“He’s downstairs,” Niall said. 

“Lou, you were screaming in your sleep,” Liam told me. I looked at them confused but then I remembered the dream.

“I had a nightmare,” I told them.

“Do you want to tell us what it was about?” Zayn asked.

“It was stupid, can we just have breakfast?” They nodded and we headed downstairs.

I forced myself to forget about that dream, it wasn’t until later on that I remembered it and realized how the dream was some type of warning that I obviously ignored. We went down to the kitchen to find Harry sitting on the couch, staring blankly into the distance. The rest of the lads went to the kitchen while I went over to Harry. I sat next to him and he didn’t even seem to notice.

“Haz,” I said softly. He looked towards me. 

“C-can we talk about last night?” I asked him. 

“What about it?” he said harshly. There was something different in his eyes. They weren’t sparkling like they normally were, instead they were dull. I bit down hard on my bottom lip. Maybe he didn’t remember I thought.

“T-the k-kiss,” I choked out. 

“What kiss?” I shook my head, thinking he didn’t remember. Of course he wouldn’t remember. I suddenly felt stupid for being so hopeful. 

“Nevermind,” I sighed.

We had three weeks before the live shows, where we would spend at a hotel in London. We got our stuff together and left for the hotel. The car ride consisted of Harry making jokes with Niall, completely ignoring me. I remained quiet the whole ride there. I felt a ping of jealously but why was I jealous? We weren’t in a relationship and I didn’t think I had feelings for him. 

“You okay?” Liam asked me. 

I simply just nodded my head and looked out the window. We arrived at the hotel, we had a double room suite. There were two beds and a pullout couch. Liam offered to take the couch. 

“Niall, do you want to share a bed with me?” Harry asked him. 

My brows knitted up with confusion, Harry and I had always shared a bed. I felt hurt but I didn’t truly understand why yet. The first night was the most painful. I laid numbly in the bed that I shared with Zayn. I shuddered every time I heard Niall make Harry giggle. Zayn seemed to off in his own world on his phone texting whoever it was. I barely slept that night, I kept on thinking about Harry and how much I missed how we would snuggle in bed. When I did finally fall asleep, I dreamt of him again, this time there was no nightmares. These dreams consisted of Harry being my boyfriend. I was rather confused by the dreams. As the days went on, he continued to ignore me and spending his time with Niall. It hurt me to see how easily he could replace me. Each night, I dreamt of him. With each dream, the more realer the dreams felt and the more intimate they got. I came to dread nights. I hated the fluttering that filled my stomach each time he spoke or I looked at him. I couldn’t dare admit that I had fallen for him. It wasn’t that I was scared to admit that I could be bi but that I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, though it was kinda already ruined. Each day, I woke up with the hope that he would be my best friend again but that day didn’t come. I could still feel the way his lips pressed against mine with so much passion. There was no way he could of forgotten it, I told myself. The weeks were draining by and I had had enough. One night, I just snapped, I let my feelings get the best of me. We were all in the hotel room eating chinese food. Harry kept on feeding Niall rice. Envy flumed through me. 

“Harry, can I speak to you in the hall?” I suddenly asked. He looked at me confused and put down the fork, following me into the hall. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked. 

“Why do you keep ignoring me? Did I do something wrong? Did I misread our friendship? Was everything you ever told me a lie?” I yelled at him. His eyes suddenly softened.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he stated.

“Then what?” I asked angry. 

“It’s me-,” I cut him off before he could finish.

“Don’t give me the whole it’s me not you fucking phase!” I shouted. He shuddered at my voice. 

“Why do you even care?” he suddenly yelled at me. 

“Why do I care? I don’t know Harry- cause you're my best friend, and I would do anything for you, and when I’m around you my heart speeds up really fast. So yeah- I care a lot Harry.” He searched my dark eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Did you even really forget the kiss?” He shook his head.

“You know, you could've just told me, instead of being a fuckin’ douche about it! You know what you are Harry? You’re a fucking coward, you’re milquetoast!” I shouted at him, immediately regretting it all once it slipped out of my mouth. He was shocked at first but then the hurt filled his eyes. 

“You’re right,” he finally said quietly. 

“Wait Harry, I didn’t mean that,” I told him. He shook his head.

“You’re right, all my life I have been a coward, I have never done an act of bravery. It’s time to change that.”

I was still taking in everything he had just said when suddenly he grabbed my face and pressed his lips against mine. I was shocked at first but then gave into the kiss, kissing back.

I once again felt the sparks when our lips meant. We pulled away after a while and he looked at me shocked. 

“I’ve been wanting do that for a long time,” he admitted. I sighed and gazed into his evergreen eyes. I couldn’t deny it anymore. 

“Me too,” I told him. His eyes widened. 

He ran a hand through his curls and took a seat on the floor. He had his back against the wall. I sank down in front of him.

“S-so you f-feel the same way about me?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

“So what does this mean for us?” he asked. 

“I think we should try this out, see if we can make this work,” I told him. He smiled at that. It soon disappeared. 

“W-what are we going to tell them?” he asked motioning towards the lads. 

“We should wait to tell them.”


	6. Hope

As the live shows neared, we moved back into Simon’s mansion. 

“We were all thinking of going to the pool,” Liam said as Niall hopped onto Harry’s bed. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to swim for a while after last night,” Harry said. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll skip out on this one,” I said. They noded and left the room. 

“Let’s go to the game room,” I told him. He rolled out and got up from the bed. We went down to the game room.

“Let’s play some Blackball,” Harry suggested as he picked up a stick. 

“So, what were you doing before this?” I asked him as I grabbed a stick and Harry set up the balls. 

“Well, I worked at a bakery and I was in school.”

Harry hit the balls and they shot around the table. We continued to take turns trying to hit the balls into the holes while chatting about our lives back at home. We kissed every now and then when we were alone but were yet to put a label on things. I think that I’ve always been very protective of Harry. Harry and I have a very special relationship. As time went on, my relationship with Harry grew. I got this feelings in my stomach whenever I was with him, like fluttering. I can talk to him so easily, it comes so naturally. 

“How was that kiss with Rebecca?” I asked Zayn with a smirk. 

“It was amazing, I think I’m going to ask her out” He told us as he blushed. 

“Aww, Zayn’s blushing,” Niall said with a smile. 

“We have to go to the auditorium for rehearsals in like an hour,” Liam annorced.  

“What song are we going to perform?” Niall asked. 

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll figure that out with Simon,” Harry said. Rehearsals were a new experience for us. We worked so hard, but we had fun. Liam loved rehearsals the most because he got to see Danielle, a girl with dark curly hair that was pulled up in a ponytail and dark skin. I stood next to Liam as the dancers came in the room. His eyes went straight to her. Liam’s jaw nearly dropped when he saw here. 

“Someone has a crush!” I teased him.

“I do not, I don’t even know the girl.”

“Then go get to know her.” I pushed him towards her and he stumbled forward running into her. Their eyes met and Liam turned bright red. I watched as Liam blushed like a high school girl and tried to maintain his cool. Soon they were laughing at something. 

* * *

“Why exactly are we watching this?” Harry asked. We all sit in the living room, watching The Bachelor. 

“Cause it’s funny how crazy the girls are, and the girls are hot,” I stated. Harry raised an eyebrow at me when I said the last part.

“You sure about that, Lou,” Harry said with a grin. A smile was planted on my face as I stared at the green eyed boy. Liam looked at us both, looking back and forth between us. 

“She’s so hot,” Zayn remarked as Claire got her first date card.

“What’s the whole rose thing?” Harry asked. 

“If you get a rose, you stay, if not you go home. It’s adorable, when he gives them the rose,” I explained. 

“Wow, you must watch this show a lot,” Zayn said with a smirk.

“Maybe.” 

The next day, we went out for dinner after rehearsals. Harry left dinner early, saying he wasn’t feeling good. We arrived home an hour after Harry left. I went up to my room, the lights were off and the room was strangely silent. 

“Harry?” I called as I flicked on the light. Harry stood in the middle of the room. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot, about us. And I get this amazing feeling when I’m with you. I want to try this out and see if we can make this work,” Harry told me. He then pulled out a rose from behind his back. His face was a dark red from blushing. 

“So, with that being said, Louis Tomlinson will you accept this rose and be my boyfriend?” A smile flourished onto my face. 

“Yes.” I took the rose from him and kissed his lips. His lips were soft and gentle, but at the same time passionate with desire. There was a knock on the door. Our lips disconnected but he stayed close. 

“We should keep this between us for now,” he whispered in my ear. He pulled away and Niall opened the door. I hid the rose behind my back. Zayn and Liam were by him. 

“You feeling any better?” Liam asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. 

“What’s that behind your back?” Niall asked. “Nothing.” 

I tucked the rose in my jeans, hiding it. That was the very first lie of many to come. The first of a long line of white lies that would lead me here. The lies started small, and then with time they got bigger, and as they got bigger, I got better at lying. With each lie, I dug myself deeper and deeper into my own grave. At that time in my life, I was the happiest boy in the world, I had a long career in front of me, and I was dating my best friend. I still wonder how everything got so screwed up, but one by one things fell apart, piece by piece. That didn’t happen until later though. At this time in my life, I was perfectly happy. 

“Do you want to go play some football?” I asked the boys as I entered the living room. They were all seated around the TV. 

“Yes!” Niall said jumping up. The rest of the boys got up and we headed outside to the gigantic backyard. 

“We should make like nicknames for each other,” Harry said. 

“Yours is Hazza,” I told Harry as I messed up his curly hair. 

“And yours is Boobear,” Harry said with a smirk. 

“Niall’s can be Nialler,” Zayn said. 

“Zayn’s can be DJ Malik,” Niall told him with a grin. 

“And Liam’s will be Daddy Directioner,” I said looking at Liam. We reached the field. We marked where the goals would be and made teams. Harry, Liam and I were one team and Zayn and Niall were the other team.

“I’m just going to warn you that I suck at football,” Harry stated.

“It’s okay, Hazza. I can help you,” I said to him. We went to our positions and started the game. We were winning, Liam passed the ball to Harry, who was a few feet from the goal. 

“There’s no way in bloody hell I’m going to make that,” Harry whined. 

“You’re such a baby, just use the tip of your foot to kick the ball and put all your force into it,” I explained. Harry did as told and the ball went right over Niall, going into the goal. Liam and I ran over to Harry, high fiving him.

“I told you, you could do it!” I shouted. 

He grinned at me from ear to ear. I wanted to kiss him so badly in that moment. We were still hiding our relationship from the rest of the band. Hiding your love for someone from your best friends is one of the hardest things in the world. You feel bad for lying to them but you keep on doing it anyway. 

When we went back to the house, we were all sweaty and gross. We all went up to our rooms to wash off. Harry turned on the shower as he grabbed some clothes.  As he picked out some clothes from the drawer, I slid my hands around his waist. He had taken his shirt off, revealing his tanned, and fit torso. 

“I wanted to kiss you so badly out there,” I whispered in his ear, my breath hot against his ear. He placed his hands over mine. 

“Your breath smells like shit, Boobear,” he chuckled. 

“You know you wanna kiss me.” He tried his best to stop a smile from forming on his face but failed miserably.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Louis Tomlinson?” Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow. 

“Maybe,” I said with a grin. In one sudden movement, his lips were on mine and my hands were wandering all over his chest. We kissed each other with so much passion, lust, desire, and love. 

“I need to shower,” he said to me as he pulled away. I sighed as I pulled away from him. 

“Fine, Harold.” He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I went out into the game room to find Zayn. 

“What up, DJ Malik,” I said as I walked over to him. 

“Trying to figure out what to do,” he said. 

“Do you like to play pranks?” I asked him. 

“I love them,” he said with a grin. 

“Let’s play a prank on Liam,” I told him. We figured out a plan and then put it into action. It’s one of the most classic pranks of all times. Liam came downstairs, we were waiting for him in the kitchen. His hair looked like it had just been washed. 

“I’m so hungry,” he muttered.

“Want some cereal?” I asked him. 

“Sure, thanks,” he said with a smile. Zayn passed him the cereal. I handed him a bowl. 

“I am so tired,” he said as he yawned. He opened the box as Zayn and I grinned from ear to ear. 

He poured the cereal into the box, the cereal came out but that wasn’t the only thing. Liam screamed on the top of his lungs and it wasn’t manly when he saw the fake dead bird fall into his bowl. Zayn and I cracked up laughing. 

“Did you do this?” he asked sternly. We looked to each other smirking. 

“Maybe,” we both said at the same time. He got up from the chair, heading towards us. Time for prank number 2. He stepped on the tile floor and slipped falling on his ass. We laughed even harder. Liam looked mad at first, he then laughed with us. 

“I am going to get you guys back for this,” he uttered as he laid on the floor.

“Sure,” Zayn said. 

“Help me up,” he insisted. He put his hands out for us, we each grabbed a hand. He pulled us to the floor, making us fall on our own asses. We all laid on the floor, holding our stomachs from laughing so hard. 

“I love you guys,” he said to us with a smile.

“We love you too, Li,” we both said. 

~~~~

“Wake up!” I heard a raspy voice shout as I woke up. I looked up to see Harry. We had just gotten back from rehearsals an hour ago. Harry was already showered and dressed. 

“Why?” I asked him. 

“We are going on our first date,” he told me. I smiled at him as I got up.

“Where are we going?” I asked as I looked through my wardrobe. 

“I can’t tell you that,” he told me with a smirk planted on his face. 

“Fine, I’m guessing it’s not too fancy since you are wearing jeans,” I remarked. He wore jeans and a purple sweatshirt that read, Jack Willis. 

“Just get dressed.” I grabbed my clothes and changed into jeans with a striped top and toms. 

“Let’s go,” he said excitedly as he grabbed my hand. We went down the stairs. Liam sat on the couch with Niall. 

“Where are you two going?” he asked us as we headed towards the door. They both looked at our locked hands, then our eyes. 

“To dinner,” Harry said.

“Okay, see you later,” Liam said. We went over to my car and took our seats.

“You do realize that you can’t drive yet,” I said.

“Shit, I forgot about that,” he muttered. 

“Fine, we’re going to the park,” he told me. We held hands as I drove.

“I think Liam is starting to figure us out,” Harry said.

“Yeah, we should tell them soon,” I told him.

“Let’s wait until after the first live show, I don’t want to worry them before the show,” Harry said. 

“Yeah, of course,” I said. We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. Harry went to the trunk of my car and grabbed a picnic basket. 

“Did you sneak that in my car before we left?” I asked him.

“Maybe,” he said with a grin. We walked hand in hand through a huge field. 

“Where are we going?” I asked him. 

“To that hill,” he told me as he pointed to a big grassy hill. We reached the hill. Harry opened the basket and pulled out a classic red and white blanket. He laid it out for us and we sat on it. He then got out two sandwiches, and handed one to me. 

“You really planned this whole thing out, didn’t you?” I asked him. 

“Yup,” he said with a smile. 

We ate our sandwiches and kept the conversation casual. When we were done eating, I pulled him into my lap, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He leaned back against my chest and we locked eyes. Harry has the most amazing eyes. They are a endless green, that you could get lost in. His eyes stare straight into you and reads your mind and soul like a hawk. They always say that the eyes are the window to the soul. I believe that, cause everytime I look into Harry’s eyes, I feel infinite, I feel love, pure, true love. I didn’t know that at the time though, but I did know that I might just fall in love with Harry.

“You enjoying the view?” he chuckled at me. 

“Just kiss me, you fool,” I said with a smirk. 

Our lips collided roughly but yet gentle at the same time. His tongue slid into my mouth and our tongues danced together, fighting for dominance. My hand ran through his curly locks and his held on my neck. We kissed a long time, neither of us wanted to pull away, until forced to by lack of breath. Harry lay his head on my chest and I wrapped my hand around his waist. I could feel Harry shiver, I grabbed a blanket out of the bag and put it over us. Our fingers collided and fit together like puzzle pieces. We sat there and watched the sunset as we talked about our futures. 

“I think we’re going to be together for a long time, not just the band but you and I,” Harry told me. 

“I think that we’ll be like the next N’sync or Backstreet Boys. Win the X Factor and then win a dozen Brit awards. Maybe, we’ll even win a grammy one day.” 

We had so much hope for what could come. We were excited for what the future could bring us. So much hope for prosperity. All of our dreams were coming true. Nothing could ruin our happiness. The sun shined so bright then, that it well outshined the rain. All we saw were clear skies and rainbows, happiness and pure delight and joy. Everything was perfect. Absolutely  _ perfect _ . We ended up falling asleep in each others’ arms. I woke up first. I laid with my arms wrapped around Harry. I kissed his cheek and sat up. I looked to my watch, 9:30. I shook Harry awake. He lazily opened his eyes. 

“We need to go before they wake up,” I told him. He groaned and slowly got up. 

“What time is rehearsal?” he asked me. “10,” I told him. He glanced at my watch.

“Shit, we are so screwed.” 

“We’ll just have to come up with a good excuse,” I told him as we walked to the car. We got back to the mansion in record time. We walked inside to see everyone awake and looking distressed. 

“There you are!” Niall shouted at us. His hair was messed up and looked like he hadn’t slept. Liam walked over to us, he looked so angry.

“Where the hell were you?” he asked us.

“Well, Louis drank a little too much so we had to stay at a hotel since I can’t drive,” Harry explained.

“Why didn’t you call?” he asked. 

“We didn’t have reception at the hotel,” I said. 

“Just get ready for rehearsals, we’re going to be late. And you two are going to explain to Simon why,” Liam stated. Harry rolled his eyes as we walked over to the stairs. 

“Fine, dad,” Harry muttered as he went up the stairs.

The very first live show was in a few days. We had been preparing like crazy for it, vocal lessons, dance practice, and then rehearsals. It didn’t stop Liam from flirting with Danielle during breaks though. They were constantly with each other, laughing and smiling and talking and Simon would have to yell at them to get back to work. We were going to perform ‘Viva La Vida’ by Coldplay. Simon was hard on us but he got us to do well. He would even joke around with us sometimes. He’s not as scary as he seems. We would spend the rest of the days we had left practicing non stop. It was finally the day of the show and nerves were surrounding everyone. We were backstage, watching the other acts perform. 

“I’m so nervous,” Niall admitted. 

“We’ll do fine,” Liam said. 

“We’ll do much better than fine, Liam,” I remarked with a grin. Simon entered the room, dressed in his usual white shirt and jeans. I swear the guy has a million pairs of white shirts.

“You guys are on next,” he told us. 

“Don’t let your nerves get the best of you, just block out the crowd and focus on each other. You can do this, I know you can. Now go out there, and do the best you can.” We all hugged each other, then got each other pumped up.

“Okay, you guys are on,” a assistant said as she lead us to the stage. 

We stood out on that stage in absolute awe as the audience chanted our name. The performance went perfect, there wasn’t a single flaw. The crowd went crazy when we finished, the judges even gave us a standing ovation. Everyone loved us, the judges, kids, teenagers, even parents. We walked backstage with smiles tattooed to our faces. 

“That was amazing!” Harry shouted. 

He jumped onto my back, piggyback style, and I ran around the room with him on my back high fiving everyone in the room. I ran into the couch and Harry and I fell onto the floor, laughing. I wanted to kiss Harry so bad in that moment. I looked up to see the rest of the boys were talking to Belle Amie and no one could see us. I smiled as I rolled over next to Harry and kissed his lips fiercely. His hands tugged on my hair as our lips smashed into each other repeatedly. 

“We’ll continue this later,” I whispered into Harry’s ear as I pulled away. We looked up to see the boys still talking to Belle Amie. But one head stared directly at us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated recently, been a crazy few weeks. let me know what you think of the chapter:)


	7. Tribulation

We were so scared when we noticed Liam’s eyes locked on us. We weren’t ready yet, we hadn’t had enough time. We stared back at him with bewilderment in our eyes. We had been caught red handed. Our hearts were beating rapidly in our chests and our eyes searched every inch of Liam for a sign of how he was going to react. Time had stopped and stayed stuck, while we just stared at each other in horror. We didn’t know what to do or say. Neither did we want to. It felt like we were drowning, like we had been thrown into the ocean, without a single swim lesson as waves crashed over our heads, suffocating us. So we remained in that position until Liam eventually looked back to Rebecca. Harry and I tried to avoid Liam for the rest of the night. We were so afraid that he would tell the other guys or worse, Simon. We remained silent until we arrived home. Harry and I darted to our room. We entered the room terror-stricken. The door opened moments later to reveal Liam. He shut the door behind him and stood in front of us. Neither of us spoke for what felt like hours but in reality was only a minute.

“I’m not mad,” Liam finally said breaking the silence. Harry and I both let out the breath we didn’t even realize we had been holding in.

“I’m not one to judge people on who they love. I’m happy for you guys. I suspected there was something more than friendship going on between you guys.” He smiled at us both as we looked at him stunned and relieved. 

“Thanks. We were so worried that you would hate us,” Harry said. Liam chuckled.

“I could never hate you guys,” he said. He then hugged us both. 

“Can we keep this between us, though? For now?” I asked. 

“Yeah but you have to tell them soon,” he said. 

“We will,” Harry told him.

“And make sure you be more careful about the PDA,” Liam chuckled.

“We will.” Liam left the room. Harry and I looked to each other with relief. 

“I so thought we were dead,” Harry remarked.

“Me too,” I stated.

We closed the distance between us and let our lips attach themselves to each other. My hands went immediately to Harry’s curls as his ran under my shirt and up my back. My tongue entered his mouth and they fought for dominance. His hands removed my shirt in one sudden movement and threw it elsewhere. Our lips worked together fiercely, yet passionately.  I removed his shirt and pushed him up against the wall, kissing his neck. He let a moan escape his lips as I left marks on his neck. His lips reconnected with mine, he then pulled away, both of us gasping for breath. Neither of us were ready yet. We both knew that, without telling each other it. But at the same time we were just normal hormonal boys. 

“I want our first time to be special,” he told me.

“I know, when we’re ready, it will be the best night of your life. I’ll make sure of that,” I told him. I realized that I was starting fall for him. I had been in many relationships before then but I had never been in love. None of my past relationships even compared to this one. We just had this instant connection, we just clicked. We had amazing chemistry. And we still do have all these things. When I’m with Harry, it’s like being in heaven. We could be surrounded by millions of people but all I focus on is him. Our love was spontaneous and crazy, but it was pure. Let’s get back to the story. 

It had been a week since Liam found out about Harry and I. Since then, we had started doing the famous video diaries. I always wore some stupid thing on my head, whether it was a beanie, covering my entire face, nerd glasses or a garbage can led. I was pretty crazy then. 

“Let’s go get some lunch!” Niall exclaimed. We all got up and Niall told the driver to go to this new diner in town. Yes, this was the very first time we went to the famous Nandos. Niall had been before but for the rest of us, it was our first time. We walked inside the diner and sat at a booth. 

“So, I asked Rebecca out and we’re going on our first date tomorrow,” Zayn told us as we finished ordering our food. 

“It’s about time,” Niall said with a grin. 

“Shut up, I wanted to get to know her more before I asked her out,” Zayn explained. 

“Such a gentlemen,” Niall stated with sarcasm. Zayn elbowed Niall in the ribs.

“Danielle and I are going to hang out later this week, as just friends though,” Liam said.

“Sure…Just friends,” I said stretching out the friends part.  I felt Harry’s hand latch onto my thigh, he squeezed it as I tried my best to keep my cool. Harry gave me a wide grin as I tried not to look at him. 

“You okay, Louis?” Zayn asked me. I bit my lip as Harry’s grip tightened. 

“Yeah,” I said through gritted teeth. Niall made sure to savor every last bit of his meal, he like worships that place. That place was like the bands’ Jerusalem. It was where we went to escape the competition, and just have some fun. 

“Is it legal to marry this place?” Niall asked. We all laughed and gave him weird looks. 

“I don’t think so, lad,” Liam said with a smile. 

“Is it legal to marry carrots?” I asked.

“You sure you don’t wanna marry something or someone else?” Harry said with a smirk planted on his face.

“Now that I think of it, maybe,” I teased. 

Liam smiled at us while Zayn and Niall obliviously did the same. That night, we went to the same beach where we went skinny dipping on the day we became a band. We ran around the beach, like little kids on steroids. We sat on the top of the playstructue and talked for hours. We talked about everything from our futures to our families to our life back at home. 

“So, all of us are single except for Zayn and Liam?” Niall said. We should've just told them then but we didn’t. Instead we deceivingly nodded our heads. Niall slung his arms around both Harry’s and my shoulders.

“I miss home but I honestly wouldn’t be any other place in the world,” Niall stated.

“Aww, Nialler. We wouldn’t be anywhere else either,” I told him. A smile was planted on all of our faces. 

“We’re a family now,” Liam stated. “A very messed up family,” Harry added. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Zayn said. 

“Normal is boring.” The moment was just so perfect. We were all at a very good point in our lives, and were very happy.

It was the third week of the live shows, and yes this was the week when Harry got very ill the week of the performance. Harry had been acting less energetic than usual but we didn’t think much of it. On Sunday, we were at rehearsals. 

“C-can we take a quick break?” Harry asked. He was panting from all the dancing and had sweat dripping down his face.

“Yeah, why don’t you go get some water,” Simon told him with a worried look. Harry grabbed a water bottle and drank it down. 

“Are you okay, Haz?” I asked him. He sat on the floor, trying to catch his breath. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” he told me with a slight smile. Looking back, I probably should've made him see a doctor or something. Instead, I ruffled up his curls and we went back to rehearsal. We finished rehearsal but when we got home, Harry collapsed on his bed. 

“Do you want me to make you some soup or tea?” I asked him with concern. The other boys watched us with worried looks. 

“I just want to sleep,” he muttered weakly. 

“Okay, Haz.” I kissed his forehead and we left the room. The next morning, Harry could barely speak. His voice completely blew out over night. He slept in past noon, which wasn’t normal for him. 

“Harry, you need to wake up,” I told him as I shook him awake. He weakly opened his eyes. Sweat had formed on his body overnight and his nose was runny. 

“I think you’re sick, Haz,” I told him. He shook his head.

“I feel fine,” he said. I put my hand to his forehead as he tried to sit up, it was burning hot. 

“No, you’re not. Now lay back down and go back to sleep. I’ll make you some tea,” I told him. 

“Thanks, babe,” he said as he kissed my lips. It was a very short kiss, since we couldn’t have two members of the band sick. I got up and left the room. I went to the kitchen and put the tea on. 

“How is he feeling?” Liam asked as he drank his coffee. 

“He’s sick, there’s no way he’ll be able to go to rehearsals today,” I told him. 

“But the show is tomorrow,” Niall stated. 

“I’m going to call Simon, see what he wants us to do,” Liam said as he took out his phone.

“Put him on speaker,” Niall said.

“Liam? Is something wrong?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah, Harry is very ill, I don’t think he’ll be able to go to rehearsals,” Liam told him. We could all hear Simon sigh on the other line.

“I’ll have the doctor drop by the house, I’ll drop by too. We’ll see what he says,” Simon said. We hung up. 

“Poor Harry,” Niall stated. We all nodded our heads in agreement. I walked into Harry’s room with the tea. He sat up in his bed. His sparkling green eyes were now dull and weakened. I handed him the tea and he smiled at me. 

“Cuddle with me,” he pleaded. I sighed, I could never say no to him. I took a seat next to him on his bed. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. He set his tea down and rested his head on my chest. 

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked him. 

“Not really,” he told me. I kissed his forehead and ran my fingers through his greasy hair. 

“I really like you,” Harry suddenly said. I dropped my hand from his hair and looked into his eyes. 

“I really like you too,” I told him. He shook his head.

“No, Lou, I think I love you,” he stated. Our hands became one. 

“I think I love you too, Haz,” I told him without hesitation. A smile formed upon his chapped lips. He placed his hand on my chin and then closed the space between us, letting our lips collide. Harry pulled away after a couple of seconds. 

“I don’t want to get you sick,” he said. I sighed and chuckled. 

“I don’t care,” I stated as I smashed my lips onto his. Our lips connected and our tongues collided. I rolled over so that I was on top of Harry. My hands followed their routine, and went to his curls. His hands went up my back, under my t-shirt. We suddenly heard the doorbell ring. I rolled off Harry and tried to recollect myself. The door opened seconds later. The boys, Simon and a doctor walked in. I was forced to leave Harry’s side as the doctor examined him. We all watched the doctor anxiously.

“It seems he has the flu. Luckily we caught it early, so he will be put on the antibiotic and should be all better in three days,” the doctor told us.

“Three days? But he has a show tomorrow,” Simon said. 

“Well, I wouldn’t suggest doing it, but if he has to, don’t have him doing any solos and make sure he takes it easy.” The doctor left and Simon faced all of us. I sat at the edge of Harry’s bed. 

“Niall, you will get Harry’s solo, we have to get to rehearsal. We’ll moderate the dancing,” Simon explained. 

He then left and we got ready for rehearsals. Rehearsal went pretty well and Harry was feeling much better by Tuesday. Liam finally asked Danielle on a date during the lunch break, which she said yes to. Harry and I are both very protective of each other. It was hard to see Harry go through that, he was so worn out and weak. It really made me realize how much I care about him and how I could be falling in love with him. I had always been very cautious with love. I had my heart broken a few times and I tried to keep myself from opening up to people. But with Harry, it was completely different. I could tell him everything and anything. We just have this amazing relationship that I don’t think I’ll ever have with anyone else. He’s my first love. You never forget your first love. And I will certainly never forget Harry. 

Throughout the time we were at Simon’s mansion, I would notice, Zayn leave the house multiple times during the day alone. And it wasn’t like he was able to really go anywhere. He wouldn’t even leave for that long. He even did this disappearing thing when we stayed at Harry’s family cabin. We all wondered where he would go but none of us dared to follow him until I did one day. I have always hated when my friends hid things from me, I couldn’t stand it. So, one day when Zayn disappeared, I snuck out too. It was late at night, we were all watching a movie when Zayn got up and left. I excused myself and followed him out into the yard. I stayed hid behind the side of the house. I watched as Zayn took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. It was more than half empty. He took out a cigarette and lit it. I had only smoked a few times at parties but had never really enjoyed it. I knew many people close to my family who had died of lung cancer or something related to smoking. I knew a lot of people in England smoked. It’s a very common thing there. But I was shocked that 16 year old Zayn smoked. And he wouldn’t just smoke one, he would smoke many. When he was on his fifth, I stepped away from the house and walked over to him. 

“When did you start smoking?” I asked him. He jumped at my voice as turned to see me.

“God, Lou, you scared me,” he said as he pulled the cig away from his mouth. 

“When did you start?” I repeated my question. He sighed and sat on the porch taking another dag of his cig. 

“Last year, I was 15 at the time,” he told me.

“Why’d you start?” I asked. He was hesitant to tell me at first but I think he realized I wasn’t going to go away until I got my answers.

“My friends were smoking and I was offered one, so I said yes. After that I started doing it more and more. It became an addiction, something I needed to do. I couldn’t live without it. And now I smoke a pack a day,” he explained. I gaped at the last part. A pack a day is a lot and very expensive. 

“Have you ever tried to stop?” I asked. 

“Yeah, before I auditioned I tried but I just couldn’t.” He threw the cig to the ground and stepped on it. He then took out another and lit it. 

“I know I should stop, I know it’s not healthy for me, but I just can’t stop.” He looked ashamed. I had never seen him so vulnerable before.

“Why do you smoke?” I asked. 

“I used to do it whenever I was stressed but then it just got to the point where I just need it everyday.” It woe me to see his tribulation. I pulled him into a hug, he wrapped his arms around me and sobbed into me. I patted his back softly as he cried out. I sympathized with him. I think that moment is what really made Zayn’s and mine friendship grow stronger. 


	8. Storms

Being on the X Factor was one of the best experiences of my life. It was amazing, getting to live out my dream with four of my new best friends. We spent so much time together on X Factor, we were practically never apart. We would goof around, pull pranks on each other and sometimes even Simon, and tell each other anything and everything. Zayn and Rebecca had been going out for about a week or so now. Danielle finally agreed to be Liam’s girlfriend, she was afraid of the age difference. And Harry and I still hadn’t told Zayn and Niall about us. We wanted to but we didn’t want to get in a fight before performing. We were scared of how they might react. 

“Let’s go to the pool,” Niall suggested as we all laid out watching TV. 

“Sure,” Liam said. We all got up to get changed. I got changed in the room while Harry changed in the bathroom. We weren’t comfortable changing in front of each other yet. Harry walked out of the bathroom wearing his extremely short swim trunks. Harry always wore girl swim trunks. 

“Damn, Lou, you didn’t tell me you were so ripped,” Harry said with a smirk as he made his way over to me. I blushed like a teenage girl. 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” I said with a grin. He slid his arms around my waist and kissed my lips. Harry’s lips started to make their way down my neck. I let a moan escape my lips.

“We sh-should head down there,” I said. 

“What, you don’t wanna do this?” Harry said, his voice heavy against my neck. 

“Come on, Haz, they’re going to catch us,” I said.

“Fine,” he said rolling his eyes as he walked towards the door. I suddenly turned his face towards me and gave him a short but passionate kiss.

“We can continue this late,” I whispered to him. 

“Hell we will,” Harry said with a grin. 

“You’re such a smart ass,” I chuckled as I smacked Harry’s bum. He turned his head to smile at me. 

“You know you love me.” 

We all sat out on the chairs and let the sun hit our eyes. 

“Lou, can you put some sunscreen on my back?” Zayn asked me. I could see Harry immediately tense up.

“Sure,” I said with a smile. He laid on his back as I rubbed the sunscreen onto his back. Harry watched us with envy in his eyes. 

“Thanks for the other day,” Zayn whispered to me.

“It really was nothing, we’re friends and friends tell each other things, and confront them in times of need,” I told him. Harry glared at us. 

“Let’s play some frisbee,” Liam said sensing the tension. I finished with the sunscreen and Zayn thanked me. 

“I have a better idea, let’s have a chicken fight,” Harry suggested as he raised an eyebrow at me. 

“Sure, I call Zayn,” Niall said. 

“And Louis can be on my team,” Harry said with a grin. 

“I can be the scorekeeper for the first game,” Liam said. We all got into the water. 

“Get on my back, Lou,” Harry told me. I jumped onto his back as Niall jumped onto Zayn’s back. Niall and I fought back and forth while Harry and Zayn fought. I had never seen this side of Harry. He was jealous and almost impulsive. Harry pushed Zayn back into the water, making Niall fall off him and hit the water hard. 

“What the hell, Harry! You could've hurt him!” Liam yelled at Harry. I was now off of Harry. 

“Are you okay, Niall?” I asked Niall. He was over by the edge of the pool with Zayn. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. 

“I am so sorry, Niall,” Harry told him. 

“It’s fine, Haz,” Niall said. 

“Can I talk to you inside, for a second, Haz,” I asked. 

“Sure, Lou.” Harry and I walked inside the house. As soon as we were inside, I let my anger out on him. 

“What the hell, Harry! You totally could of got us caught!” I yelled at him. 

“Well, I’m sorry for being jealous of my boyfriend,” he shouted. 

“Jealous of rubbing Zayn’s back!” We were screaming at each other now. We had only had one fight before.

“I’m sorry!” he shouted. 

“It’s a little late for that Harry, they’ve probably figured us out,” I stated. 

“So what if they find out? What would be so wrong if they found out?” Harry asked. 

“Are you ashamed of me?!? Are you afraid to admit that you’re dating a guy!?!” He shouted. 

“No, god Harry, I fucking love you, I would never be ashamed of you!” I screamed without realizing what just slipped out of my mouth. Harry’s face immediately softened at those words. 

“Y-you love me?” I avoided his green eyes and nodded my head. 

“Yeah, I love you, but I’m scared. I’m scared that one of us is going to get hurt,” I told him. 

“I would never hurt you, Louis. I love you.” We closed the space between us and wrapped our arms around each other, pulling him into my embrace. 

“We should get back out there,” he whispered in my ear as we pulled away. 

“Fine.” We spent the rest of the time in the pool, playing frisbee, having races, and playing marco polo.

Later that day, Zayn and Harry went to the mall.

“How are you and Harry?” Liam asked me. Niall was in the bathroom. We were watching Skins. 

“We’re really good,” I told him. 

“So you resolved things after the pool incident?” he asked. 

“Yeah, we got into an argument and then I kinda accidentally told him that I love him.” It felt nice to talk to someone about my relationship with Harry. I never got to talk to anyone about our relationship then. 

“How are you and Danielle?”

“We’re still in that honeymoon phase but we just started dating, so yeah.”

“So, you guys are getting really serious?” I nodded my head.

“That’s good, I’m happy for you two.” He paused for a moment. 

“Have you two done it yet?” He asked. I looked at him, shocked that he asked that. 

“No,” I paused for a second.

“But I think we’re going to soon,” I admitted to him. He nodded his head. 

“Make sure you use protection and all that stuff, you may both be guys but you can still get STDs,” Liam stated. Liam may not have been the oldest but he sure acted like he was. Always making sure we were alright, even if it meant giving me the birds and the bees talk. 

“I know, I am 18 y’know,” I remarked. He rolled his eyes. 

“You sure don’t act like it,” Liam smirked. 

“At least I don’t act like a grandpa, like you,” I chuckled. Niall entered the room and sat on the couch.

“What are you guys talking about?” Niall asked. 

“Liam was giving me the birds and the bees talk,” I said with a grin. 

“Ew, why?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, Liam why were you talking to me about that?” Liam smirked at me. 

“I don’t know, Lou.” 

~ ~ ~

“Where are we going?” Harry asked me. We were on a date, that I had panned. 

“Just take your blindfold off and look around,” I told him. He took the bandana off his head and smiled as he recognized his surroundings. 

“Disney world?!” He looked to me like a five year old child. I nodded my head, to which made his smile only grow. He hopped out of the car and stared around his new surroundings.

“Thank you, Lou,” he said as he pulled me into his embrace.

“Come on, let’s go on some roller coasters,” I told him as we pulled away. 

We spent the day riding various rides, meeting many disney characters, and looking at all the shops. We ate at a small restaurant in Disney World that had a dining area and a dance floor. There was a girl around 18 years old performing covers of the latest radio hits on a small stage. The girl started to sing to lyrics to my favorite song of all time, Look After You by The Fray.

“May I have this dance?” I asked Harry as I stood before him. 

He took my hand into his and I led him to the dance floor. I placed a hand on his hip while the other stayed connected to his hand. He put his hand on my back and we started to sway back and forth to the music. We danced fairly close to one another, as we danced we whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Neither of us had ever taken any dance lessons but that night, we danced like professionals. I spun Harry around, so that his back was facing me and both my arms were around him. 

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear. I spun him back around.

“I love you too,” he whispered in my ear. I closed the space between us and kissed his lips. I could hear the people around us murmuring about how two boys shouldn’t kiss. I shut out all the noise and just focused on Harry. I let my fingers run through his curls as he kissed my lips with passion and desire. When Harry and I kissed, everything just felt right. The world could be exploding around us, but when his lips were on mine I felt safe. All time stopped when we were together. We weren’t worried about being late or getting caught. Our love was simple then. So, so simple. We were young and in love. Falling in love is probably the best feeling in the world. There is nothing more powerful than love. Love conquers all. It always has, and it always will. Our love was pure, and true. Being in Harry’s arms was true bliss. We could do anything together. We didn’t need to be making out all the time to have fun. We could just simply go for a walk and have a blast. We knew we would have to tell Niall and Zayn soon. Our time was running out. We wanted to tell them but it was just never the right time. They were starting to pick up on that we were hiding something. We felt horrible lying to them. We should've just told them. But instead, they found out in the worst way.

“What are you doing?” I asked Harry. We had all been playing video games when Harry dragged me into another room. He walked over to me and smashed his lips against mine. Our lips connected with lust. He pushed me up against a wall as he continued to kiss me. His hands wandered around my body as mine gripped at his curls. His tongue was in battle with mine as our lips continued to snog each other.

“Did you get the sn-snacks?” Niall asked as he entered the room with Zayn. We pulled away from each other with guilt written all over our faces. Niall and Zayn stared at us with wide, shock filled eyes. Liam walked into the room and looked to each of us. 

“A-are you two dating?” Niall finally asked as he found the courage to speak.

“Y-yeah,” I said. I bit down on my lip with nerves. 

“How long has this been going on?” Zayn asked.

“A couple weeks,” Harry answered. Niall studied both of us then he looked to Liam. 

“Did you know about this, Liam?” Niall asked. Liam nodded with shame. 

“We wanted to tell you guys, we just didn’t know when the right time was,” I tried to explain. 

“We thought you might be mad at us,” Harry admitted. 

“I’m not mad at you, I’m happy for you two. I’m just surprised,” Niall said. 

“I’m not mad either, just don’t keep secrets from us,” Zayn said. I decided to ignore the irony in that sentence considering Zayn was hiding his own secret from the rest of the band. We all nodded and did a group hug. 

There was a horrible storm that night. We were all in the kitchen eating when thunder pounded against the mansion.  We were all startled but I was the most. I jumped up from my seat, screaming loudly as I crouched on the floor. Harry put down his banana and kneeled down on the floor beside me. I was shaking, my teeth were chattering and tears were forming in my eyes. 

“It’s okay, Lou, it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay, the storm will pass over,” Harry told me in a reassuring voice as he left kisses all over my face. I let my eyes focus on the tranquil green in Harry’s orbs. 

“I’m going to take you to our room and then we’ll watch the Titanic like we always do,” he told me. I nodded my head as he picked me up bridal style. All of the guys stared at Harry with pride and awe. He opened the door to our room and laid me down on the bed. He unzipped his bag and searched for the DVD. After a minute of searching he found it and placed the DVD in the TV. He then joined me on Liam’s bed. He wrapped his arms around me, letting me snuggle into him. It was still raining when the movie ended but it was no longer a downpour but a drizzle. 

“Can I ask you something?” Harry asked as he turned on his side to face me. I nodded my head as I turned on my side as well. 

“Why are you so afraid of storms? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” I looked into his honest green eyes and let the fear melt away. 

“My dad, he left during a storm, it was the first storm I had ever witnessed and he left. A year or so after that, my grandma died on a day on which it stormed the worst. And then a couple of years ago, my best friend moved away on the same day as a storm.” Harry just stared at me astonished, his eyes held sympathy and understanding. 

“Someone always leaves when there’s a storm, and I’m always afraid of who’ll leave me next. A-and I don’t know what’d I'd do if I lost you.” Tears had managed to make their way down my cheeks. I went to wipe away the tears but he pulled my hand away and used his thumb to wipe away the tears.

“I’ll never leave you Louis, I love you. I am never going to leave you. I promise.” I nodded my head as I held out my pinky. He smiled as he wrapped his pinky around mine. 

~ ~ ~

The next day, we had our first interview. It was at a local radio station. Simon claimed that he had to be there for our first interview. We were all kinds of nervous. We weren’t sure what questions they were going to ask. We arrived at the station with Simon. Simon sat in the back and observed us. I sat next to Harry and held his hand under the table. 

“We are here with the British Boyband, One Direction from X Factor!” the guy announced. The interviewer looked in be in his mid 30s. He started out asking us mainly about X Factor.

“Do any you of have girlfriends?” he asked. Harry and I immediately looked to each other.

“Liam and I both have girlfriends,” Zayn said while the rest of us stayed quiet.

“So, the rest of you are single?” Harry and I both looked to the floor. Liam patted my shoulder with encouragement.

“Yes,” Niall said. The rest of the interview he didn’t bring up our personal lives. After the interview, Simon pulled me aside while the rest of the guys went into the Limo. I slid my hands into my jean pockets nervously. 

“What’s up?” I asked trying to sound casual.

“Is there something going on between you and Harry?” he asked. I was startled by the question. How had he picked up on us? And if he could pick up on us, who else could figure us out? 

“W-why? Would that be a problem?” I asked cautiously. He shook his head. 

“No, actually the fans like it, the idea of a bromance in the band.” I was beyond confused by our conversation. 

“What are you implying?” I asked. 

“Maybe you should take this to your full advantage.” 

I couldn’t comprehend what he was implying at the time. He then turned away from me and walked to the Limo, leaving me baffled. We arrived back at the house and I went straight to our room. That night, I laid awake for many hours trying to make sense of the conversation. I stared up at the ceiling, replaying the conversation in my head on repeat. 

“You okay?” Harry asked me.

“Yeah,” I told him. Simon’s voice echoed in my head drowning out all of the other noises in the room. 

It suddenly hit me like a wave pool, the dream from weeks ago, the guy who stood above me, and told me, “You can’t be together,” as Harry was pulled away, was Simon, it was his voice. That made me even more confused.

Here that day, Simon told me it was okay to fall for Harry but then in the dream he said the exact opposite. It didn’t make sense. My head was throbbing from all the thinking I was doing. Maybe the dream meant nothing. The dream had happened weeks ago yet it still haunted me. I still tried to gasp what it meant. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t, not yet at least. So, I ignored that voice inside my head and forgot all about the dream. I instead focused on what Simon had told me, he gave me permission to fall for Harry. It was like getting the okay from your parents to date someone but better. I was happy for that. I thought I could finally fall head over heels for the boy with the curls without anyone getting in the way...Boy was I wrong.


	9. A Good Person

Zayn and I became increasingly close every week. Whenever he would go out to smoke, I would go with him, making sure he didn’t smoke too much and to let him talk my ear off about his problems. I didn’t mind it though, cause he was my friend and that’s what friends do. He seemed happier when he was dating Rebecca. He didn’t smoke as much and was in a better mood. Rebecca was good for him, they were good together. One night, I was outside, I had just finished talking to my mum. I watched as Zayn and Rebecca stood out on the porch, looking up at the stars. Zayn had his arms around her waist and left kisses in her hair. I couldn’t hear what they were saying to each other but Rebecca laughed at whatever Zayn said. Zayn turned her around to face him and kissed her lips. They looked so happy, so in love. They broke up in the exact spot the next night.

I was on the phone talking to Lottie, she was missing me a lot. Zayn was on the porch smoking. Rebecca walked outside and saw him smoking, she started shouting at him. 

“I gotta go, Lottie. I’ll call you back later.” I hung up and moved closer to the porch. Rebecca grabbed Zayn’s empty box of cigarettes and looked at him with disgust. Tears were forming in both of their eyes. Zayn pleaded for her to stay. 

“Promise that if I stay, you’ll stop smoking,” she told him. Zayn looked to the stars, tears were streaming down his face now.

“I can’t promise that.” Rebecca shook her head as she threw the empty box at Zayn. 

“We’re done then.” She slammed the door on her way back in the house. 

Zayn fished out a unopened box of cigarettes and opened it. He sank to the wood and began sobbing. I watched as he went through that whole new box of cigarettes. He just kept on smoking, throwing the dead ones into the grass. Maybe I should've  of stopped him, maybe I should of took the box away from him. But I didn’t. I had never seen someone so broken in my life. I knew there was more than just a breakup going on. There was something more, something he wasn’t telling me. I sank down onto the grass and just listened to him sob. At one point, I thought he would never stop. 

Rebecca’s group went home the next night. Zayn excused himself when we got back. I followed him out there.

“What’s going on Zayn?” I asked him. He stood at the end of the porch, holding onto the railing, looking up at the full moon. 

“Rebecca and I broke up last night.” I took a seat on the swingy seat. 

“No, Zayn what’s really going on? I heard you sob for hours last night and saw you go through a whole pack of cigarettes in under three hours. Please tell me what’s really going on.” Zayn just stared up at the moon, like the moon would show him the answers to all his questions. I noticed Zayn was looking at his cell phone. 

“Give me the phone, Zayn,” I said. He didn’t speak, just lit up another cigarette. I stood up and stepped closer to him. 

“Zayn, what is going on?” I could see the trace of tear drops making  their way down his cheeks. He went through another cigarette and lit another one up. 

“God dammit, Zayn give me the phone!” I shouted as I pulled his phone from his fingers. He refused to look me in the eye. I looked to the screen, it was open to twitter on the trending topics page. The top trending topic was #Zaynisaterrorist , there were thousands of tweets hating on Zayn saying he should drop out of the band or kill himself. They were horrible, some were beyond offensive. ‘@Zayn_Malik was evolved in the 911 shooting, he should just kill himself, he’s killed enough people. #Zaynisaterrorist’. 

I put his phone down on the railing and pulled him away from the railing, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him into my embrace. 

“Zayn, those people are idiots, they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. You are not a terrorist Zayn, you didn’t kill anyone. You are a good person Zayn.” We pulled back from the hug and he looked me in the eye.

“Am I?” he questioned as tears rolled down his cheek. 

“Yes you are, Zayn. If you weren’t a good person, you wouldn’t be crying right now. If you weren’t a good person you wouldn’t be here right now. If you weren’t a good person you wouldn’t be in this band. If you weren’t a good person, I wouldn’t be your friend.” I pulled the cigarette from Zayn’s lips and he pulled me into his embrace again. 

“Thanks, Louis. You’re a good person too.” 

~ ~ ~

Liam invited Danielle over to the mansion for the day one week. We could hear them laughing from the other room as they played Dance-Dance-Revolution, and watched romance movies and when Liam tried to make them lunch but ended up burning it and forcing Harry to cook for them. 

I took a seat at the island. Liam leaned against the table with his arms wrapped around Danielle’s waist. I noticed a sad look in Zayn’s eyes. Liam whispered something in her ear which she giggled at. She then glanced up at him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Liam told me later that week that he ‘really liked her’, meaning he was starting to love her. He really did care for her and love her. She made him really happy, she was a distraction from his life back at home that he missed. 

~ ~ ~

After a show one night, we all went up a secret staircase, following Harry. He claimed he wanted to show us something. There were no lights and all we could see were each other’s shadows. We went up several flights of staircases, Niall complaining every couple minutes asking if we were there yet. We could finally see a glimpse of light as we reached a door. Harry opened it to reveal the dark star spiralled sky. We all stepped out onto the roof on the building. You could see the whole city from up there. It was absolutely beautiful. There was a full moon out that shined brightly down on our faces and stars that lit the sky. Harry took my hand into his as he looked up at the many stars. 

“I’ve always wondered if somewhere, someone else is looking up at these exact stars but is seeing something totally different. I think everyone sees a star in a different way.” 

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we moved towards the edge of the roof. Zayn, Liam and Niall were over on the other side telling each other what shapes they thought the stars made up. We walked all the way over until we were looking directly down at the city. 

“I almost jumped off a roof once,” he said simply, his voice cut sharp like ice and razor blades. 

“I was 14 at the time, I just remember wanting it all to be over, for the pain to stop, to end this constant state of depression I was in.” I stared at him with wonder and admiration.

“I found myself standing on the top of the school’s roof. I almost did it, I was about to do it when this tiny voice in my head stopped me, it told me that I had a deeper meaning in this world that I had yet to experience, that in time the whole world would see.” His eyes were soft and sad but happy at the same time if that was even possible. 

“I’m glad I didn’t jump.” I locked eyes with him as he said this. His eyes shined like the stars.

“Me too.”

“This is what I was put on this earth for, to perform, to be in a band with you guys, to fall in love with you.” I smiled at him, an indescribable feeling took over my chest. I looked into his eyes and saw all the layers that lie beneath them, all the sadness that hid behind the happiness. All the pain that he had been through. 

“Can you promise me something, Haz?” I asked him, turning to face him.

“Anything.”

“Promise that no matter what happens, or how much pain you go through that you won’t ever jump. ‘Cause if you jump, then I’ll jump too. Life isn’t worth living without you.”

“Promise.”

“You jump, I jump, remember that.”

Its funny how things played out. How I was the one to tell Harry to never give up but when times got tough I eventually became the cause to his sadness. But he never jumped and I am so proud of him. I know that there were days when he wanted to, when he wanted to take a bullet wound to his head to rid the aching pain inside him that haunted him. But he didn’t, because he knew deep down inside I was still there for him. 


	10. Promises

We were now two weeks away from the finale. We never thought that we would make it that far, we were beyond excited. We had all dreamed of getting there but never thought it would ever happen. That night, I decided I would cook a celebratory dinner for Harry and I. It was my first time ever cooking. I worked really hard on making everything perfect and it worked out. Harry returned with the lads from some footie. I had set up the food at the table, dimmed the lights, and even had rose petals all over our bed for later. They came in the door and noticed the smell of fresh food. They walked into the dining area to see the dinner that I had laid out. 

“Please tell me, this is for me,” Niall said as he stared at the food with hunger. 

“No, sorry lad,” I said as I made eye contact with Harry. 

“What is all of this for?” he asked me with curiosity. 

“You, it’s our 50 day anniversary,” I told him. His eyes held bewilderment.

“Y-you did all of this for me?” he asked with gleaming eyes.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Liam said with a smile as he led the rest of the lads out of the room. 

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head.

“I don’t know what to say, th-thank you,” he said as I pulled out his chair, letting him take a seat. I sat on the other side of the table. We held hands across the table the entire time we ate. We talked of all the crazy memories we’d experienced together. When we finished eating, I searched Harry’s eyes as nerves built up inside of me. 

“Harry,” I choked out. He looked up at me, locking our eyes. 

“I l-love you a lot, and you mean a lot to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m in love with you. I have a surprise in our room for you.” He didn’t look mad or disgusted, in fact he looked happy and maybe even a little nervous. With that, I led him up the stairs to our room. I opened the door and he gasped at the sight, roses were spread across the bed and candles were lit all over the room. 

“It’s too much isn’t it, I should've just gone with the hotel, we can get rid of this,” I mumbled. 

“Shut up,” he said. I nodded and he closed the door as he closed the space between us. 

“I want you to rock me,” he whispered in my ear. My lips curled up as I chuckled. 

“I can do that,” I said with a smirk. 

With that our lips attached onto each other with desire. We pulled on each others hair as I pushed him up against the wall. His tongue slid inside my mouth without asking for permission. My hands slid from his hair onto his back, gripping onto him as he grinded against me. My lips disconnected from his mouth to move to his neck. He let out a moan as I kissed my way down his neck. 

“The bed,” he managed out.

I nodded as he pushed me onto the bed, him on top of me. He yanked my shirt off of me with one sudden movement and threw it to the side. I smashed my lips against his as my hands unbuttoned his shirt. I took off his shirt and threw it beside mine. He released my lips and started kissing down my neck again. His lips then made their way to my chest. 

“I love you,” he muttered. He kissed down my chest to my stomach. 

“Every single bit of you,” he said as he reached the end of my stomach. 

He looked up to me for a second. I grinned and rolled over, so that I was on top. He groaned and my hands fiddled with his belt. I finally managed to undo his belt, I immediately pulled his black jeans off. 

He then removed mine, as we removed the last piece of clothing from each other, our lips drew to each other. It didn’t even feel like this was our first time or like we were ashamed of ourselves, because we had revealed our raw selves to each other many times before, we knew each other's  deepest and darkest secrets, so we had already seen each other naked. Our bodies collided with pure bliss and lust. My teeth sank into his skin, leaving him a mark on his collarbone, imprinting him with my love. We fought for dominance, our hands wandered each others bodies, and our lips never left each other. It may not of been my first time but it sure felt like it. It was amazing, it's impossible to explain with words how perfect that moment was when the climax was finally met and we lay limp beside each other, out of breath from all the screaming. We snuggled close to each other's’ bare bodies, warmth exploded between us as sleep overcame us.

“I love you,” I whispered as my eyes closed.

“I love you too.”

I woke up late that morning to a snoring Harry beside me. I kissed his forehead and laid next to him watching him sleep. This is probably the most corny thing to say but Harry was most beautiful when he slept. His green eyes closed and curls all over the place. He looked so peaceful, like nothing in the world could hurt him. I ran a hand through his curls and his green eyes shot open. 

“Morning love,” I chirped. He looked into my blue eyes as I continued to ran my fingers through his locks. 

“Morning,” he said tiredly. We pressed our foreheads against each other as our fingers locked together. 

“Last night was perfect,” Harry told me.

“Damn right it was,” I chuckled. I gave him a quick kiss then pulled away. Harry pouted his outer lip. 

“We should get up,” I told him.

He rolled his eyes as I sat up. I stood up forgetting that I was still nude. Harry looked at me with a huge smirk. He rolled over so that he sat at the edge of my side of the bed. He went up on his knees and kissed my lips. My hands looped around his back as he deepened the kiss. He then pulled away and stood up from the bed. 

“Time to get dressed,” he stated. I turned around and picked up my clothes. I turned back around to face him. 

“Are you going to get changed?” I asked him breaking his gaze. 

“Oh, yeah. I got distracted,” he stated. 

“By my bum?” I raised an eyebrow at him. 

“It’s not my fault you have the world’s biggest ass,” he chuckled. I laughed and slide into my boxers. I handed him his boxers and he put them on. We then went downstairs. 

“You’re finally awake!” Niall yelled as we entered the kitchen. 

“Yeah, late night last night,” I said as I looked to Harry’s blushed face.

“Yeah, I heard some screaming, I was going to check on you two but Liam told me not to,” Niall said. 

“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t,” I chuckled. Niall nearly spit out his food as Harry’s face turned bright red.

“I’m so glad I didn’t now,” Niall commented.

“You know you wanted to,” I mumbled with a grin. Niall stuck his tongue out at me.

“So, what are we going to do today?” Zayn asked as he sipped his coffee.

“I was thinking we could get a head start on what song we’re going to perform,” Liam said. I rolled my eyes.

“I think we can take one day off,” I said. Niall nodded.

“Fine,” Liam agreed. 

“Let’s go to the mall,” Harry suggested. We all nodded as I smirked.

“Yeah, I can buy Harry some lingerie for tonight,” I said with a smirk.

Zayn and I entered Topman, Harry, Niall and Liam were across the hall at a different shop. 

“So, um how was it?” Zayn asked as I looked through some sweaters. Honestly, how I didn’t figure out I was gay sooner is beyond me. I dressed like a teenage girl most of the time. 

“How was what?” I looked to him as I grabbed a sweater in my size. 

“Last night,” he said as he raised an eyebrow. I rolled my eyes at him to keep myself from blushing. 

“It was really good,” I confessed. I grabbed a T-shirt off the shelf. 

“Better than with a girl?” He asked.

“Definitely,” I admitted. 

“Why do you ask?” I asked moments later as I found my clothes. 

“No reason,” he said quickly. 

“Come on, tell me,” I said as I elbowed Zayn in the ribs.

“I-I’ve never done it before, I’m still a virgin,” Zayn confessed. 

“Aww, little Zayn hasn’t lost his V card yet,” I chirped as I hung my arm around his shoulders. Liam, Harry, and Niall entered the store, walking over to us. 

“You find anything?” Niall asked as he looked to the many hangers in my hands.

“Yeah, Zayn was just telling me how he is yet to lose his V card,” I said. Harry went over to stand on the other side of Zayn. 

“Well, it’s well worth the wait,” he said as he hung his arm around Zayn. 

“It’s okay buddy, I have yet to lose mine too,” Niall said.

“What about you, Liam?” I asked him as I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Uh, yeah I lost mine last year,” he said.

“What was her name?” Harry asked, testing him. 

“Uhh.” Harry and I looked to each other with smirks on our faces. 

“Somebody’s lying,” Harry said as he whistled.

“Fine, you caught me,” he said as he rolled his eyes.

“Liam Payne lies?!?” I said with a fake gasp. 

“Shut up,” he said through gritted teeth. We walked around the huge mall. I held Harry’s hand most of the time, we got some weird looks and stares. 

“Let’s go into Victoria’s Secret,” I suggested. Liam glared at me. I grabbed his and Harry’s hands and skipped into the store. The lady who worked there gave us a weird look.

“Liam, you have to help me pick out Harry’s outfit for later,” I said as I dragged him to the Lingerie section, the rest of the boys followed. 

“Niall, I think this is perfect for you,” I said as I grabbed a bra with food all over it. He took the bra and held it up to himself, pretending to wear it. 

“Oh Lou, it’s perfect,” he said. Harry glanced through the selection. 

“Lou, I think this would be perfect for you,” Harry exclaimed as he held up a thong with carrots over it. 

“Oh my god!! I am going to wear this 24/7! And you bet tomorrow, I will be wearing that and nothing else,” I shouted. People gave us judgemental looks while others laughed. 

“I think you need a bigger size, Lou,” Harry said.

“Yes, I need an extra-large,” I exclaimed. We exited the store, and went to the loo. Harry entered a stall while the other boys used the urinals. 

“Lou, I need help,” Harry called. 

“Har, you do not need help, you just want an excuse to make out with your bf,” Niall said. I rolled my eyes and ignored Niall, entering the stall Harry was in. As soon as the door locked behind me, Harry launched himself onto me, kissing my lips forcefully but yet fondly. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this all day,” Harry breathed hot against my neck. Our lips connected again, our hands gripping at each other’s hair and clothes. Harry slammed me against the door, still kissing me, letting his tongue slide into my mouth. 

“We’re going to wait outside, you have 5 minutes,” Liam called as they left the loo. I switched positions with Harry, my hands ran up his back as I slipped my tongue down his throat. Harry’s hand moved from my hair all the way to my bum, motorboating me. He squeezed my ass as I deepened the kiss. 

“Time’s up!” Niall called from outside. We pulled away from each other, breathless. 

I was falling deeply in love with my best friend. Everything in my life was at an all time high. But hometowns were coming up, and as much as I missed my family, I was afraid of how they might react to my sexuality. We were both terribly scared of their reactions. We’d imagined they’d throw us out, call us a disgrace, tell us we’re committing a sin in god’s name. Harry and I laid side by side, my fingers played with his as we both stared at the ceiling, refusing to speak of our fears for the next day. 

“W-what if they hate us?” Harry suddenly asked. I could tell tears were caught in his throat. 

“They won’t,” I told him, even though, I too thought they might hate us.

“You don’t know that,” he said as he forced his eyes on mine. 

“And we also don’t know if we’ll ever make it home, our plane could crash on the way there or our flight could be canceled. We can’t ever know what happens next.” There are very few times when I decide to show how incredibly wise I am, most of the time I am just the crazy idiot. His eyes searched mine, he was probably the only one person who ever understood me completely. My fingers stopped playing with his fingers, and locked with his.

“I love you, and nothing in the world will change that,” I told him. His eyes searched mine once more. 

“Promise?” His green orbs met my blue. 

“Promise.” 

I’ve always been bad at keeping my promises. I could never keep a promise. But in that moment, I wanted to change that. I wanted to keep that one promise. If only I had. If only I had kept to that one fucking promise. If I had kept that promise, everything would of changed. One Direction probably would of still eventually broke up, but I would of never betrayed the one I love. I would of never hurt the one I love the most. I would take back the biggest regret I have. We all have that one thing that if we could go back in time and change it we would. For most, that one thing is walking away from someone who ended up hurting them or taking the keys from someone who shouldn’t be behind the wheel. But for me it was that promise, if I had kept that one promise everything would be different, and better. I wouldn’t of ruined the one person I love the most. I wouldn’t of let them take him away from me. If I had kept that one fucking promise I would probably be married to Harry right now, not repatching our broken relationship. I wouldn’t of broken his trust, his love, nor him. But the thing is, you can’t change the past, you can only improve things for the future. That’s what I’ve been working on for a while now. If only I hadn’t messed up in the first place. 


	11. Home

I was both excited and scared to take Harry to my hometown. I wanted him to get to know that part of me better but I was scared of what my family might say about our relationship. “We’re here,” the driver stated as he parked the car. Harry released my hand from his grip, anxiety ran through his veins, you could tell, just by looking at him. We all stepped out of the car. My mum and dad with my little sisters were standing on the porch. I forgot all about my nerves and fear, I ran into my parents arms, pulling them into me for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Louis!” 

I pulled away to see my little sisters. I hugged each of them as my parents met the lads. I had missed them so much, it was the longest time I had been away from them. Later that evening, I asked to speak to my parents alone. The lads were playing outside with my sisters. I noticed Harry’s gaze as I left the room. The nerves built up inside of me as I walked inside. 

“I need to tell you something,” I blurted out. 

My parents looked at me fondly. I was scared that, that would be the last time they would look at me that way. 

“I’m gay,” I forced the words out of me. I closed my eyes, expecting shouting or even a hit. But it never came.

“How long have you known?” my dad asked. 

“Well, a couple weeks into the X Factor I developed feelings for another lad in the band and we’ve been dating ever since,” I told him. 

They didn’t give me a disgusted look nor an angry one but a understanding one. I was beyond relieved when my mum hugged me, telling me that she was happy for me. My dad said the same. 

“So, which one is he?” She asked as she raised an eyebrow. Just then, Harry entered the room. I smiled at him as I slung an arm around his shoulders. 

“Mum, dad, this is my boyfriend, Harry Styles,” the words sounded so smooth coming from my lips. Harry smiled his cheeky smile. 

“I thought there was something going on between you two, please, tell me all about yourself, Harry,” she said.

The evening was absolutely perfect. I showed the lads around my town the next day. We went to the park and played some football then went to some shops. It felt really good to be home again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it. It felt really good to show the boys my life at home. Like I was showing them another half of me. 

We left for Zayn’s hometown the next day. I pulled Zayn aside before getting in the car. 

“Your parents don’t know you smoke, do they?” I asked him. He simply shook his head. 

“Promise me that you won’t tell them.” I nodded my head.

On the car ride there, Zayn turned down the music and looked to everyone of us. 

“My family is muslim, and are very strict on their values. I hate to ask you this, Louis and Harry but can you not act like you are in a relationship when you are around them? They’re more open than most muslim families but I don’t know what they’d do or say if they knew I was in a band with two gay people.” 

He looked really uncomfortable even asking us this and it showed us that his family’s views were not his own, or so we thought. Harry and I looked to each other then nodded our heads. That was why he didn’t want his parents to know he smoked. I didn’t fully know Muslim’s views on certain topics but that weekend with his family taught me them. I love Zayn’s family and him, they have their right to their own opinions and beliefs but there’s differ from mine very much. 

We arrived at Zayn’s place late that night. His mum ran to him, hugging him. His sisters were right behind her. They all looked a lot alike, black hair, skinny, and dark eyes. His sisters gave us a nervous smile. His older sister, Doniya took a step towards us.

“I’m Zayn’s sister, it’s nice you meet you guys.”

She sent us a smile which we returned.

“Come in,” Zayn’s mum said once she pulled away from him.

We all entered the house. It had numerous pictures of their family and some scriptures from the Qur’an hanging on the walls. Zayn’s dad entered the room, smiling wide once he saw his son. His dad had a full on beard and a very serious look in his eyes. 

“Doniya, why don’t you show the boys around while I catch up with mum and dad.”

She nodded her head and lead us into the kitchen. There was a large table that looked like it could seat more than the people in the house.

“Our whole family, cousins, aunts, grandparents, are all less than five minutes away. So, we have family dinners here a lot,” she explained. 

There was a picture of the islamic symbol, a crescent moon and a star on the wall and there was a Qur’an in the middle table. Other than the islamic decor, it looked like any other kitchen. And they were just like any other family, just very religious. She lead us to the family room, where there were several couches and a TV. There were photos of the family all over the room, one was of Zayn and his family at the X-Factor auditions with his golden ticket in hand. He had the biggest smile on his face, his dad didn’t though. He was smiling, but it was a fake smile, one where the eyes don’t match the smile. On the coffee table there was a photo album. Liam was the one to open it and we all glanced down at it. There were numerous photos of each of the kids in each age of their life. We flipped through pictures of baby Zayn and smiled. Liam closed the book and we moved on to the next room. It was a library, the walls were stacked with bookshelves that were filled. The books ranged from religious stories to Harry Potter. I ran my fingers through the books, looking at the titles. There were a lot of books on muslim culture, probably to help the kids understand their religion. There was a quote that stood out to me on the wall, its in bold and framed; _“I created you from one soul, and from the soul I created its mate so that you may live in harmony and love.”_ ― [M.H. Shakir](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/433919.M_H_Shakir), [_Qur'an_](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/632609). I realized then that even though, our beliefs differ, we still believe in the same God that created this world for us. 

We left the library and went upstairs. There were multiple rooms up there, his younger sisters shared a bedroom and the room across was a playroom. It looked like any other playroom, there were dolls and dollhouses, and stuffed animals. She then lead us to Zayn’s room. It wasn’t very big nor small, it was the perfect size. The wallpaper was an ordinary color but the walls were covered with band posters and photos of Zayn and his family. There were comic books all around the room and his sheets were Spiderman. In a way, Zayn was still innocent and very much a child. He was still growing and had so much to experience. That night, we all slept on the floor of Zayn’s room. There was a copy of an translated english version Qur’an in Zayn’s room. The rest of them had all fallen asleep but I just couldn’t. I grabbed the Qur’an from Zayn’s desk and flipped to a random page. It looked just like the bible, there was talk of God and Jesus. But the beliefs were different. 

_ “Fair in the eyes of men is the  _ **_love_ ** _ [hubb]  _ _ of things they covet _ _ : Women and sons; heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (to return to),” (3:14).  _ I then flipped to another page. My eyes skimmed the page, focusing in on one verse. 

_ "We also sent Lut : He said to his people : "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds."  _ They believed homosexuality was unlawful, more specifically that my lifestyle was unlawful. I dared to flip the pages again. Tears ran down my cheeks as I read the next verse. 

_ "When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes." _

_ "Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to."  _

Realization hit me like a bullet. I had been so optimistic, and close-minded, believing that everyone would support our relationship. But everyone has different opinions and beliefs and these were Zayn’s families beliefs. It scared me, shamed me, made me insecure. If I were to tell them who I really was, I thought they might kill me, lock me way, bury me alive. I suddenly began sobbing as the negative thoughts and opinions flooded my mind. I wondered about our fans and weather they would think this of us and of my friends and every single person I looked up to and cared about. If they would hate us, if they would want us dead, if they would stop listening to our music and voting for us, if they would kill us. I was petrified, my whole body was shaking and I couldn’t see straight because I was crying so hard. I couldn’t feel a thing, nor hear. I was having a full-blown panic attack. I couldn’t feel Harry’s arms wrap around my waist nor hear the boys wake up and gather around me. Harry placed his hands on my face as he brought his face close to mine. 

“Louis, Louis, look at me, it’s okay, everything's alright, take a deep breath, I’m right here, baby.” 

My eyes focused in on the green in his eyes and the shaking stopped. Harry wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. The other boys joined in. When they pulled back, they all stared at me with curious, worried eyes. Zayn’s eyes then flickered to the Qur’an that was on the floor, still open to page I was last reading. He sighed and shut the book. He then got up and left the room. I knew exactly where he went, and what he went to do. 

“You read the Qur’an, didn’t you?” Liam asked with soft eyes. I nodded my head shyly. They all gave me a sympathetic look. They didn’t know what to say, but there wasn’t a single thing they could say to make it better. The quietness absorbed around us. 

“We love you for who you are, Lou. And that’s all that matters,” Niall told me. I offered him a smile as I stood up and went to where Zayn was. Zayn was on the back porch, smoking. It was so cold, that his breath could be seen. 

“Do you agree with what it says?” I asked him. 

He didn’t dare look at me and I should've known he wasn’t being honest with me. I should of looked him in the eye and been able to see the lies he was hiding. I should have confronted him. I should've grabbed that cigarette from his mouth and made him tell me the truth. But I didn’t. Instead, I just stood there waiting for his answer. Zayn tossed his cigarette and turned to face me. 

“Of course not,” he said with a deceiving tone, eyes and face.

And I believed him, I fell for it. I smiled when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and seriously thought he supported Harry and I.

And then came Harry’s hometown. I had met Harry’s mum before when we all stayed at his family’s cabin. The day after we arrived, Harry told his family. They took the news extremely well. Gemma was the one who made our couple name. 

“Oh my god, you guys could be Larry Stylinson!” she had exclaimed when Harry told her. 

She had a huge smile on her face. She insisted on calling us that every time we were spotted together. It caught on fairly quick. It was cool getting to see Harry in his home, he was in his element there. It was like I was getting to know this whole side of Harry that I had never known before. I loved it. Harry took me to the bakery he used to work at. 

“Harold!” an older lady shouted as she hobbled over to him and hugged him. 

“Mary!” he said with a smile. They pulled away from the hug and she looked to me. 

“Mary, this is my boyfriend, Louis,” he told her. Her eyes marveled as she looked back and forth between the two of us.

“I had a feeling, I’m so proud of you, Hazza,” she said with a smile. 

“Now, why don’t you two get to work, I have some bread to be made. You know where your apron is,” she declared as she went to the front. 

We went to the back of the shop. Harry smiled wide as he spotted his old apron. His green eyes dazzled as he tied it around himself. 

“I missed this thing,” he admitted. He handed me an apron and tied it around me.

“How are you at cooking?” he asked me.

“I suck,” we both chuckled.

“That’s not the only thing you suck,” he uttered. I rolled my eyes as a chuckle escaped my lips. “Just show me what to do,” I said.

He got out some flour and dough. He showed me what to do but I was still bad. Harry worked intensely as he rolled out the dough. I took a handful of flower and threw it in his face. He looked to me with a grin on his face. 

“You did not just do that?” I placed a hand on my hip. 

“I did,” I said with a grin. He took a handful of flour and threw it in my face. 

We threw flour back and forth, we were both covered in flour by the time we gave up. The room was a mess and so were we. He backed me up against the table and smashed his lips onto mine. I kissed back and immediately stuck my tongue in his mouth as our hands pulled at each others’ hair. He lifted me up onto the table and my legs wrapped around his waist. 

“You have no idea how much I love you,” he muttered as he deepened the kiss if that was even possible.    
“And you have no idea how much I love you.”

We then visited Niall’s and Liam’s hometowns. I love Niall’s family, I love all of the boys’ families. We got to see a whole new side of each other and it brought us all closer, if that was even possible. Okay, time to get to the X Factor finale. We were all beyond excited for the finale. We were also very nervous. We were performing with one of our idols. We had been practicing non stop. We all sat around a fire outside, roasting marshmallows the night before the finale. I sat with my arm around Harry, using my other to roast a marshmallow.

“Why do you always burn them?” Harry asked as I placed my marshmallow directly in the fire as he waited for his to be golden brown. 

“Cause you take the outside off and it’s like heaven,” I said as I put the marshmallow on a cracker with chocolate. Harry chuckled, his green eyes shined in the light of the fire. 

“I never ever thought I would make it this far, let alone be placed in a group,” Niall said. Harry rested his head on my shoulder as he ate a s’more, getting crumbs all over me. 

“I honestly am glad I was placed in a group,” Liam said. 

“Me too,” Harry said. The rest of us nodded our heads. Liam sighed. 

“I can’t believe it’s all going to be over tomorrow,” Liam said.

“Actually, Liam you are wrong about that,” I stated. They all looked to me with curiosity in their eyes. 

“Tomorrow is just the beginning, even if we don’t win, we are not spitting up, we are going to march into every record label until we get signed,” I told them.

“No, they will be coming to us,” Zayn said with a grin planted on his face. 

“Damn right they will,” Harry muttered with a smile. It remained silent for a while but it wasn’t an awkward silence, it was comfortable. 

“I wouldn’t change a single thing,” Niall uttered with a grin. 

“I think we all can agree with that,” Liam said. Zayn raised his hand in disagreement. 

“I would change walking in on you two,” he chuckled as he pointed to Harry and I. I rolled my eyes as did Harry. 

It was finally the finals. We were all so nervous but exhilarated. We walked out on that stage and did our absolute best. Everything went by flawlessly. After the show I ran into Harry’s arms and pulled him as close to me as humanly possible. Simon was congratulating the rest of the lads. 

“I love you so much,” Harry whispered to me. 

“I love you to pluto and back,” I told him.

We pulled back and walked over to the boys. None of us got any sleep that night. We were so anxious about the results. We tried to distract ourselves but nothing could get our minds off whose name was in the envelope. When it was finally time to hear the first results, we all could feel each others’ hearts racing. We walked onto that stage and waited as the dramatic music played. Liam stood in between Harry and I. 

“Third place goes to….One Direction.” 

I think my heart pretty much collapsed when I heard our name. My legs felt like jelly and all I wanted to do was melt to the ground. I looked to Harry. He buried his face in his hands, trying to keep himself from crying. Liam and the rest of the lads walked to the middle of the stage. I somehow managed to follow them. Zayn and Liam spoke for the rest of us. When we went backstage, we let our emotions out. 

“This is not the end of us, you were the one who told us that, Louis. And you are damn right, we will not stop until we get signed, and then we will record a number one album,” Liam declared. We all stared at him. 

“He’s right,” Simon said as he walked toward us. When Simon left the room, I embraced Harry in my arms. We cried into each other and the other boys joined in on the hug. We pulled away and I looked to Harry.

“This is far from over,” I stated. 

“Damn right it is,” Liam said. We all jumped up and hugged each other again. We went back to the mansion and packed our bags. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep at home without you,” I told Harry as I placed some clothes in my suitcase. 

“Well, I guess I’ll have to sneak in the window every night,” Harry joked. I zipped up my suitcase and sighed.

“I’m really going to miss you, Haz,” I told him as I pulled him into a hug. 

“We’ll still see each other, we can take turns visiting each other and we’ll see each other when the band gets together,” Harry said.

“I’ve just spent so much time with you, that I can’t imagine not being with you,” I told him. 

“What if we don’t have to be apart?” Harry asked. I looked at him confused. 

“What if we moved in together, you’re 18 and I was planning on moving out soon anyway,” Harry explained as he looked to his feet. A smile grew upon my face. 

“Yeah, we could get a flat in London and the other boys could get one near by,” I said with excitement. Harry looked up to me with a smile on his face. He closed the space between us and kissed my lips. 

We told the other boys about our plan and they loved the idea. We would all go back to our homes for the holidays then meet up in a weekend in January and go house shopping. It was hard to leave Harry in that airport, it was hard to leave any of the boys. I held Harry in my arms for a long time, not wanting to let go. We whispered sweet nothings to each other. 

“You’re going to be late,” Harry said as he pulled away. 

“Fine, I’ll see you in a few weeks.” I grabbed my bags. 

“Call me when you get home,” Harry said before I went into the terminal. 


	12. Digging Graves

I didn’t tell Harry about my runnin with Simon until much later and I wish I had seen the signs sooner. How mad and disgusted Simon looked when he saw us should of told me that he wasn’t going to let us stay together in the public eye. But I was oblivious and was so excited about having a record label and living with Harry, I didn’t give too much thought to it. Harry and I were still getting used to living with each other in the first month of the new year. I was a horrible person to share a flat with, I never did my laundry nor cleaned the dishes nor helped with dinner nor picked up after myself. I seriously don’t know how Harry put up with me. I think in a way he liked being the one to be taking care of me. The lads came over a lot, nearly every day they were over. Liam wasn’t around as much since he was dating Danielle and he didn’t get to see her too often. 

We started tour rehearsals for the X Factor tour mid january. We were all really excited to be going on our first tour. We entered the studio that all the artists going on tour were told to meet at by Simon. The dance studio was huge, it was nearly the size of our whole flat. 

“This is going to be amazing!” Niall said with a smile as he looked around at the various artists and groups. After the rehearsal, the whole band went out to Nandos. We all sat around the table talking over each other about how excited we were for the tour. 

“I wonder what the tour buses will look like! I bet they’ll be sick!” Zayn said with a smile. 

“They better let us eat non stop while on that bus, I get car sick unless I’m eating,” Niall said with a straight face while the rest of us laughed. 

“It’s going to be so much fun!” We talked about what we would bring on the tour and what we would do and how incredible everything would be. Danielle came through the door with a smile on her face. Liam was already in a good mood but when she arrived he went over the moon with happiness. 

“I invited Danielle, I hope that’s fine with you guys,” Liam said before he stood up to greet Danielle. They looked so happy and in love as he kissed her lips then pulled her into a hug. She took a seat next to him, saying hi to each of us. 

“So, are you going to go to some of our tour dates?” I asked. Liam had his arm around her protectively. 

“Yeah, I’m going to the last date but hopefully in between there I’ll be able to visit,” she stated with a smile. 

“I’m sure Simon will be fine with that.” I had never seen Liam so happy. He was literally beaming from head to toe. 

“You still dancing for X Factor?”

“Yeah but the show doesn’t start up again until summer so I have some time off,” she explained. Liam looked at her with so much fascination, interest, maybe even a bit of lust and love. Liam spent most of his life taking care of others, making sure everyone else was happy and healthy that he hardly got the chance to be happy himself. It was beyond nice to see him doing something for himself for a change. 

“How did you get so lucky, Liam?” I asked in a joking manner. 

“I mean Danielle here is a real catch but you..” the guys laughed as well as Danielle. 

“Actually, Liam here is quite the catch too. He can be quite funny when he wants to be,” Danielle said sweetly, her voice laced with honey. The four of us guys cracked up laughing, we had never heard Liam make a joke once, so the assumption of him being funny was quite comical. 

“Liam, funny? Now that’s funny,” Niall said in between laughs. 

“Hey, I can be quite funny,” Liam defended playing fake hurt. 

“Yeah, sure just like how Niall is quite serious,” I said with a grin. 

“Hey-,” Niall went to protest but he knew it was true. 

The next week, Liam came over one day while Harry was visiting Gemma. Liam sat on the couch while I grabbed the snacks and we turned on the video games. 

“So, how are you and Danielle?” I asked him. He grabbed a chip and smiled at just the thought of her. 

“I love her,” he told me as he looked me straight in the eye. 

“Whoa there, Li. Those are some big words. Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I get this feeling when I’m with her like it’s indescribable to put into words.” I smiled at him and how happy he was. 

“Have you told her?”

“I’m going to. I’m planning on going all out and taking her to some fancy restaurant, I even already booked a hotel room.”

“My little Liam is growing up,” I joked. 

“I’m the dad around here, not you, remember?” We both laughed then smiled at each other. 

“I’m assuming you and Harry are good?” 

“Yeah, I told him that I’m in love with him on New Years. I can’t see my life without him. I know our relationship has moved really fast but to me it’s seemed so natural, like getting to know an old friend. I feel like I’ve been friends with him my whole life when in fact I haven’t even known him a year. I know everything about him, his dislikes, and likes, his pet peeves, his coffee order. I love every single thing about him. Liam, I think he’s the one.” That was the first time I had ever told anyone that. I had been thinking about it a lot then, I knew that I could easily see him waiting for me at the end of an alter one day. Liam looked at me like a proud father. He patted my back as his smile grew. 

“That’s amazing, Louis. I hope you’re right.”

“What do you mean?” I asked about the last part of the statement. 

“Just that if you two weren’t to work out, it would complicate things with the band, especially if things end badly,” Liam explained. 

“That won’t happen though. I would never hurt Harry and I know Harry would never hurt me.” Pretty ironic when you look back at it. I claimed that I would never hurt Harry when in fact I practically ruined him. 

“Yeah, that’s true. I could never see Harry hurting you,” Liam stated.

“What about me? Could you see me hurting Harry?” I wondered. 

“I would like to say no but when push comes to shove, I think maybe you will without meaning to hurt him.” It was like Liam could predict the future considering that is exactly what happened. Kinda scary how right on Liam was. 

* * *

That weekend after tour rehearsals, Harry and I went on a date. It had been a while since we had a date night. We decided to go have a picnic at the Hyde park. We walked into the park hand in hand. It was absolutely beautiful. There were trees, flowers and small bodies of water that had mini water falls connected to them. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Harry commented as he looked around, studying his surroundings in awe. There were multiple people of all ages walking through the park. Birds and fish could be heard in the distance. We made our way to a grass area by the water, laying out the blanket and sitting on it with our Subway sandwiches in between us. 

“I feel like we’re going to make it big, the band,” Harry stated as he grabbed his sandwich. 

“I just have this really good feeling about the band and us,” he added with shyness hidden in his voice. 

“Me too, It’s like I can just see the future, us making it big, winning a dozen Brit awards and selling out stadiums. And for you and I, when I think of the future you’re all I think about. I can’t imagine a future without you.” We had so much aspiration and optimism about the future and what it may hold. 

“Awe, Lou. Me too, I want nothing more than to share my future with you,” he said with a smile dancing upon his lips. He reached his hand out, placing it on my face then slowly connected our lips. The kiss was kept innocent and simple yet it made us feel like all time had stopped and we had been taken to heaven momentarily. We pulled back, staring into each other’s eyes. Harry’s green orbs as well as my blue held so much faith, conviction, and promise. 

We were in love and it felt like nothing in the world could come between us. The feeling of falling in love is one not easily forgotten if possible to forget at all. It makes one’s heart pound and break all at the same time. If one has not experienced love before they die, they have not lived. There’s nothing that compares to falling in love. It saves lives, ends wars, gives us hope. But at the same time when that love is tarnished, it can destroy us. It hurts like hell, like having each bone in your body be broken one at a time. When lost, it feels like suffocation, and despair. There is not a person in the world who can say they haven’t dreamt of love and what it feels like to fall in love. Love equals happiness. Without it, we are nothing, we have no purpose. But when one falls in love, their sole purpose on earth becomes to make the one they love happy, no matter what the cost. 

* * *

We only had one more week until the tour started. We decided to have a sleepover at the boys’ flat. We ordered pizza while playing endless hours of video games. The pizza arrived and the game was paused. Zayn seemed different that night. He wasn’t talking nor joking as much. It seemed he had something on his mind. We were in the middle of eating when Zayn cleared his throat getting all of our attention. 

“There’s something I need to tell you guys. With going on tour, I figured it’s probably best to tell you all now,” he explained, nervousness could be hinted in his voice. I knew exactly what he was going to tell them but I was beyond surprised. I was proud of him. 

“I’ve been smoking ever since I was 14, I guess you could say I have an addiction. I can’t go a day without smoking. I’ve tried to stop numerous times but I just can’t.” Each of the boys looked at him different, as if they were seeing him clearly for the first time since they meant him. However, their eyes did not hold judgement but rather sympathy. Liam looked worried for the boy. He wore a sad expression that told us just how much he wanted to save Zayn. But Zayn didn’t want to be saved, nor could he be saved. He was in too deep to stop. No amount of therapy nor friends nor happiness nor substitutes could stop him. With each cigarette, he was digging his grave deeper and deeper. And I wondered how many cigarettes there were left before he wouldn’t be able to dig any deeper and would hit rock bottom.


	13. Inspiration

 

“What do you want to do for your birthday?” I asked Harry as I sat beside him on the couch.

“I was just thinking of inviting a few friends over and keeping it small,” Harry said.

“Are you sure? You don’t want like an actual party?” I said raising my eyebrows, with our newfound fame it would be easy to throw a big party.

“I mean, I’d like one but we’re all so busy it’s probably better to just do something here,” he said shrugging his shoulders, not wanting to be a bother. That was the thing about Harry, he never wanted to cause anyone worry or stress, even if it meant compromising his happiness in the process.

“You only turn seventeen once,” I told him, locking eyes with him.

“Isn’t that what they say about sixteen?” Deep down inside, Harry was like any other teenage boy, he wanted to throw a huge party with lots of friends and food and get drunk but unlike most teenagers he didn’t want to be a hassle and cared more about other’s happiness than his own.

“Think of it this way, this is your last birthday as a kid, next year you become an adult,” Louis stated knowing that deep down Harry wanted this party.

“Well, when you put it that way-,” he broke off into a smile, his dimples showing off. I reached out, using my finger to poke him in his cheek. His face reddened, blushing. He looked so utterly, irresistibly adorable in that moment. So young and innocent and fragile. I launched forward, tickling him in the stomach. Harry erupted with laughter, curling into himself as an attempt to get me to stop. We could hear each other's’ hearts fluttering in that moment, the joy we experienced when together, the sense of completeness, feeling whole, falling in love with each other over and over again.

The boys and I worked on arranging Harry’s party. We decided on a throwback theme, only 90s and early 2000s music would be played, the only drinks were energy drinks and beer(of course), there would be a disco ball in the middle of dance floor which was Harry’s and I flat, the only movies allowed to be watched were ones made in the 90s and early 2000s which included all time favorites, High School Musical, Titanic, Napoleon Dynamite, and Fast and the Furious. We were able to get friends from Harry’s hometown as well as his family to come to the party. Zayn’s guest list for his party was sad compared to Harry’s. He was a well liked kid, had many friends back home. Sure, he wasn’t the most popular kid in his high school but he genuinely cared about others and that made it very easy for him to make friends.

On the night of the party, I was running around like a maniac, making sure everything was perfect for Harry when he arrived.

“Niall, that cake is too small and Zayn, the music needs to be louder and Liam those streamers need to be a bit higher, Harry is going to hit those, not all of us are 4 feet tall.” All the boys threw me annoyed looks.

“Lou, calm down. Harry is going to love it,” Liam told me, patting my shoulder. I took a deep breath, knowing he was right. Harry walked into our flat with me, the lights were out as everyone yelled out surprise. A smile broke out on his face, smiling from ear to ear showing off his adorable dimples.

“Happy birthday, babe,” I told him as I kissed his cheek. His mouth was wide open from surprise. People started gathering around us as music started playing, Harry’s friend’s from his hometown came up to him, hugging him. I separated myself from him, going over to the bar to watch from afar. He was so happy, he was in his element and that fact that I had given that to him made it all the more special to him. I knew in that moment I could die a happy man if I continued to make Harry happy. The party was a success, Harry loved it and was astonished with how many people we got to come. The gifts were piling up to the ceiling and the music bounced off the walls.  
But the day after Harry’s birthday, we left for the X Factor tour. We had to pack the morning of, rushing to make it to the buses in time. Liam and the rest of the boys had come over that morning seeing Harry and I were still in bed having only an hour to get ready and get to the airport. We were both smashed from the night before and exhausted.

“C’mon, guys we have a bus to catch. Have you even packed yet?” Liam yelled at us as Niall pulled the blankets away from us. I groaned my eyes sensitive to the light, my head pounding. We got out of bed, finished packing our things while Zayn picked us up some breakfast.

“I’m so excited,” Niall exclaimed as we ate bagels. We all nodded our heads, we hadn’t performed in front of a live audience since X Factor and this time, we got to chose the songs, not to mention all the different places we’d be going to. Zayn didn’t seem as excited, he sat on the barstool eating his bagel in silence. At the time I thought it was because of his smoking addiction, chances are other people would find out with us being in the public eye so often. I probably should've suspected maybe the reason he wasn’t as excited was because he wanted to be doing this on his own, as a solo artist. But I didn’t, instead I simply patted him on his back and gave him a warm smile. Once we finished eating, we grabbed our bags and went out to our car which would take us to the tour buses. The city we would be going to would be Birmingham and then we’d go to Dublin. The car pulled up to a huge parking lot which held all the tour buses for all the different bands. We had one all to ourselves being as there were five of us. We stared at the huge bus with awe, it was black and red with a big X on it for the show.

“Last one’s in a rotten egg,” I yelled as I ran into the bus. I could hear Liam mutter from behind me, “You’re such a child, Lou.” That I was, that I was. I was young and immature and innocent, I think that helped me in a lot of ways, it kept my mind open and hopeful. At the same time, it made me oblivious to all that was going on around me. The inside of the tour bus had a full kitchen, game room which had a flat screen TV and play station set up, there were two sets of bunk beds and a full bed. I claimed the single bed knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep without Harry beside me. Niall instantly went to the fridge examining all the different foods inside and grabbing a pudding cup. He jumped onto one of the bunk beds, stretching all of his limbs out looking content with life. I chuckled at the blonde boy as I felt a dip in the mattress below me. I looked over to see the curly haired boy I had grown to love. He was giddy with joy, his smile bright enough to stop wars. He jumped up and down on the mattress with glee, making me groan as I was pushed off it. Harry stopped jumping, landing on top of me out of breath. I tickled his sides making him erupt with giggles as he rolled on his side with a smile stretched over his entire face.

The drive to Birmingham was long, we spent it playing playstation in the game room.

“Where do you guys see this going?” Liam asked after a while of silence. We all gave him a questioning look, unsure what he was referring to.

“Where do you see this band going?” We all pondered on the thought, each of us picturing the future and what we hoped for, for me that would be winning a Brit award and playing a sold out arena.

“I don’t know about you guys, but it’d be cool to have a #1 record and sell out Wembley Stadium,” Niall said with a grin on his face imagining the sold out arena. We all nodded our heads.

“Yeah, that’d be cool. I would like to win a Brit award or even a Grammy,” I stated.

“What type of music do you guys want to go into?” Zayn asked.

“I feel like we would do best as a pop group but personally I like rock, pop, and indie music,” Harry told us. We all nodded our heads except Zayn, he bit his lip and seemed to be thinking on something.

“What about you, Z?” I asked him.

“I’ve always grown up listening to R&B and Hip Hop. But yeah, I think we would do best as a pop band,” he stated with a sad look in his eyes. Looking back, I can see the signs I didn’t at the time. I mean he practically told us he didn’t want to be in the band. He never said he wanted to be in a pop band. Listen very carefully to what people tell you, even if it’s a light moment or a joke, chances are that comment may lead insight to motives for future events.  
Zayn excused himself grabbing his box of cigarettes. We couldn’t go outside when the bus was moving so he had to go to the back of the bus and pop a window open. The first time, it set the fire alarm off, we all freaked out running out of the bus to find Zayn with a empty box of cigarettes that had been full a few hours ago. Simon had to come in to reset the alarm and make sure we were alright. I told him I had over cooked pasta and it went off, afraid of what Simon and the media would do to Zayn if they were to find out.

Later that night he thanked me for covering for him. We were watching the streets pass us by, not being able to sleep on a moving bus.

“Thanks for today,” he said in a small voice.

“No problem,” I told him pushing the gesture away as if it were no big deal. I was used to standing up for my friends and covering for them, being there for them when they needed someone. Zayn on the other hand wasn’t used to it.

“Why are you so nice to me? You’re always defending me and covering for me,” he asked with bewilderment in his eyes. It seemed impossible for him to believe that someone would do something for him out of the kindness of their heart.

“‘Cause I’m your friend and that’s what friends do,” I looked into his dark brown eyes as I said this trying to make him understand that I was his friend and would do anything for him. You could tell he hadn’t had a lot of friends and wasn’t used to people standing up for him.

When I went to bed that night, Harry was still awake. I crawled into bed, wrapping my arms around his waist, bringing him close to my chest.

“I’m worried about him,” he stated.

“He’ll be okay,” I told him as a left a kiss in his curly locks.

“Now go to sleep.”

We arrived at the stadium early the next morning. It was huge, sitting over 15,000 people. We rehearsed all day and explored the venue. We only performed ten songs but it was a big gig for us. It was finally time for us to go on stage for the first time. We were all huddled in a circle.

“Let’s go out there and rock this shit,” I said with a smile as we put our hands in the middle and raised them up like a team did before a big game. We ran out on that stage each taking our own spots. The crowd went nuts, screaming and chanting all names. It was amazing. It was the first time we had ever had people screaming for just us. The crowds excitement filled me with adrenal.

“How are you guys doing tonight? We are One Direction!” Liam said with a smile. The crowd went crazy, it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. So many people all in one arena for one night to see us. The fact that seeing us could make their day or even year inspired me, that’s the whole reason we’re in the music business, not for the fame, not for the money, not for the connection but for the chance to change people’s lives with our music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, I wrote this chapter a while ago so I figured I would post it. I would like to finish this story but I've lost some of my inspiration to write it. I'll try my best to finish it if that's what you guys want. Let me know your thoughts on the chapter and if you want to finish this story.


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